Finding Myself before the Kids Find Me

Love.

2011-06-02T11:09:00.000-07:00

Did I ever tell you I have sweet kids-- don't get me wrong, they are not perfect- they can be ornery at times (sometimes it feels like 99% of the time) - but, deep down they are really good-hearted, sweet, loving children.

We, unlike some parents, haven't made our children go to church and learn the 10 commandments- or the story of the Good Samaritan. We have been known to say "inappropriate" words in front of them, and we have allowed other people around them that have not been good for them.

But- that is sometimes part of life- we live and learn together, as a family.

However, the one thing we have been really good at in this little family of ours is LOVE. We love each other all of the time, we take time to hug, we take time to snuggle, we go on "dates," we create together, we play together, we learn together. We love when the storms of life rage in, and we love when the sailing is smooth-- We love when we're tired, and we love when we're hurting- we love.

Love is the most important thing in raising a family- and though, it's hard to show that love all of the time- when other aspects of your life are not "perfect," -- it still is vital. Seems easy enough right? You don't need a college education, or to sign your kids up for 100 activities and lessons. You don't need to send them to a private school for Harvard-bound children- as long as you take the time to show your child that you love them.

I would do anything for my kids- anything- I would change my whole world, to make it a better place for them. I have. I stopped pursuing a career to be with them, I've taken people out of my life that I knew were not good for them. And, I do not regret any of those things even the slightest bit.

Because, when all is said and done- I won't say that I did it perfectly- but, I will say I gave it my all.

7-year-itch

2011-05-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

So, Kyle and I are coming up on our 7 year anniversary-

Yep, it's that time of the marriage when one of us gets the "itch"

So--do you think it would be me or Kyle?

Kyle has been working out a lot lately--sometimes even twice a day. Me--not so much.
Kyle's lost over 70lbs and is starting to feel sexy again....me--not so much.

What have I been doing-- I have been trying to run a "surprise" business and manage two not-so-baby-babies and 3 pitbulls. (crazy, I know!)

I call it a 'surprise,' business because I didn't expect to have my own business- never planned for it-- it just happened while doing something I loved. Now it has turned into something that is ALL AROUND us--literally.

Kyle's always been the one with the drive to have his own business and has done well doing his own Marketing Consulting stuff. And, thankfully with his business knowledge, he's helped me stumble through the dark worlds of creating and selling product.

So...you see...I have no time to get ''itchy."

But...guess what--it is me-- I have the 7-year-itch.

Well, really I have had the itch for a few years now--but, it seems to be getting worse.

I have talked to my doctor about it, and she can't seem to help me--so she sent me to a specialist, who also couldn't figure out how to help me. I am a lost cause, I guess.

I feel bad-- I really do... for Kyle and a little bit me.

I just can't help it--I just get so itchy.....

It's not ALL of the time.

But, the itch is definitely at it's itchiest when Kyle is near me for long periods of time.

Like for instance, last night-- Kyle wanted to hug on me in the kitchen-- just hug on me, and show me some love.

And it wasn't but 10 minutes later--that I noticed how "itchy" I was feeling-- my mind was definitely somewhere else.

So then, later that night- I tried to make it better- by trying to snuggle in bed with Kyle. It was nice and cozy for a little bit, when I couldn't even concentrate any more-- I was so "ITCHY"

I had to get up and move-- because I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I mean my skin was red and hives were starting to form. :(

Literally, Kyle's skin touching mine even the slightest bit (especially when he's been working out a lot) makes me itch uncontrollably.

:)

There is no age-old "7-yr-itch" in our marriage--just on my skin. :0)

I am happy to report, that we are still happily married and I love him more than when we got married. In 7 years we have learned a lot of things about one another and have been faced with lots of ups and downs like most marriages. But, we've learned to lean on each other- we've learned when to push and when to back off-- we've learned each others' strengths and weaknesses. We've learned how to work together to create our own little family- even if that means adopting 3 pitbulls.

The biggest thing we've learned is-- marriage is work- but it's worth every ounce of work you put into it. Sure, we still fight- we are real. But, we are passionate about being together- and for that reason there is no kind of itch that can tear us apart.

It's been a long time

2010-11-03T13:29:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a long while-- since I have updated this lil blog!!
Don't think I haven't been busy though-- life has gotten pretty crazy!

Alexis started Kindergarten, lost her first tooth and played her first season of soccer!
Jaxen has gone from Buzz Lightyear to Bumblebee and now to Superman. He is everchanging-- and it is hard for me to keep up with him!

Kyle has gone back to his former company, and will continue his company on the side-- he didn't want to at first, but they gave him an offer he couldn't refuse. We are glad to be back under company insurance ;)

I can't believe we are 1/3 of the way thru Alexis' first year of school and winter is almost here. Don't get me wrong, I am excited--but it amazes me how fast time flies.

She is doing great in school, loves it--and wants to go every single day. She has gotten a yellow light once, the whole year-for kicking a boy who took her spot. I had to laugh, b/c he probably deserved it- (no, I didn't laugh in front of her, and I did give her a good talking to-- but, still)

Of course, she lost her tooth just days before her first official school pictures--on a Sunday night. Luckily, her school pictures turned out beautifully!! The tooth had been wiggly for days and days--and she was doing her best to eat as many apples as she could to get it out of there. Finally, it just came out--no tears or anything. The tooth fairy left her a card and $2.

The next day at school- she was told by a kid that there was no tooth fairy, and a tooth fairy wouldn't leave her a card! (I am guessing this is the kid she kicked ;) )

Since, then she decided it was a good idea to cut all of her hair off--and go for a short Kit Kittredge haircut. She loves it--and I love it--since there are no more tears at brushing it.

Both kids have grown out of their clothes--and I feel like I could fill up a salvation army store w/ the stuff they've grown out of just this year!

For more school news-- Alexis took a throat drop to school w/ her--the non-mentholated- halls breezers ones. More like candy than medicine. She thought it would be nice to share--so she did. I got a call from the school nurse later on, saying any kind of throat drop, even if there is no medicine in it-is not allowed in the school. Oops-- who'd have thought my kid would be the Kindergarten drug dealer.

Jaxen and I are enjoying our time together--and are trying to get out while the weather is still nice. We've gone to the zoo, met daddy for lunch--and run errands. I am pretty sure the post office knows him by name!

He is also helping me take care of the new puppy, Felicity. We thought Riley needed a furry friend--and Jaxen loves having 2 puppies to play with.

OF course, ever since October both kids have begun picking things out of catalogs and commercials to add to their Christmas list. But, this year I thought it would be a good idea to have them narrow their list down to 3 things. We shall see how this goes!

Me? I am staying super busy with the Scrapbooking Blog and the Pink by Design Stamps. I now have 16 stamp sets out--and that are being sold at my online store and at a few brick and mortar stores and OhMyCrafts.com Our dining room is slowly becoming my crafting area-- since we are going to be doing some remodeling downstairs after the water we got in the basement this summer!

Phew-- I know I missed a lot of fun stories---but, I just wanted to give you a quick "catch-up"

The Black Hole of Technology

2010-06-04T22:05:00.000-07:00

So, in this day and age we can stay connected to our friends and family and a simple click of our phone. We can call, text, twitter or facebook them. We can write on their virtual wall, to tell them we are thinking of them, when we don't have the time to call or see them in person.

Although, this convenience is nice- it comes at a cost. The cost varies on how much you rely on "virtual" interactions versus "in-person" interactions. I personally love the idea of being able to text a friend during nap time when I am trying to be quiet- or facebooking someone who sleeps different hours that I do... but, when those virtual interactions take over the real interactions you could be having with those around you--it stops being a good thing, and becomes a hindrance.

I am guilty of overloading on virtual connections, as much as the next girl. I have gotten caught up in Family Feud :), and I have even started this blog to give some insight to our family life. I love having facebook and email access on my phone- and at times, only connect via phone.

Today, this is exactly what became a big, "whoopsie," for me.... I was laying the kids down for a nap, and thought I would catch up on some reading. I got distracted, and checked my fb via phone. I remembered that a friend I went to elementary school, was being induced to have a baby today....so, I thought I would quickly write something on her wall. (all via my fb page on my phone)

Well, my phone has the handy dandy little feature, that fills in words for you after a couple letters...It used to be called t9 on older phones--not sure what the name of the feature is now...maybe, auto-predict or something.

Anyways, I wanted to type: "Thinking about you, wondering if baby girl is here yet."
However--as I read what I wrote, posted on her wall-- I quickly realized my phone filled in the wrong word...and it said...on her wall...for everyone to read...
"Thinking about you, wondering if baby Hitler is here yet."

Yep. I called her baby, Hitler in front of the entire FB world. Well, the phone is nice for some facebook features, and not others. One that does not work via phone, is DELETE. Oh, no. I raced to my nearest computer--and pulled up facebook...to delete and rewrite this message correctly. I literally, ran down the stairs, to eliminate this awful message. I also sent her a message letting her know, what happened, in case she got notifications in her email account....whew.

One thoughtful remark, turned into a horrible thing...in a matter of seconds....because of technology, and our "need" for it. Too often, we forget that in having this vast amount of technology, that we are also giving up little pieces of ourselves. Our time, our attention, our privacy, our sanity...

Don't get me wrong, I am not one to point fingers with this double-sided sword we created, or call anyone out on this black hole we have jumped into....but, since it is the internet...and the kids are all asleep--I will get on my soapbox.... and.... laugh at myself.

It's Official

2010-06-04T21:29:00.001-07:00

So, as of today, 2 things are official. I know, you are excited aren't you??

The first thing is: My kids are to the age, where they are going to fight with one another. Gone are the days of peaceful playing, and sweet gestures. Oh, I still get those sometimes, but they are interlaced with screams and pinches :). So, as I learn to gauge when I should step in, and when I should let them work it out--I realized the other officialdom. (Didn't think that was a word, did you?)

The 2nd is, that I am becoming my parents. Today, as I stepped in one of those "bickering," moments-- I felt at my wit's end. They had been at each other for 2 days straight, and I was going crazy (to put it mildly).

So, I did what anyone would do, in my situation...I told them I was tired of them fighting, and that they had to hug until, they wanted to be nice to each other. Hmmmm..wherever did I get that from?

Oh, yes...I remember many a time, that I had to hug a sibling after fighting with them.

Was it a just punishment? It didn't kill us, though we were secretly pinching and hugging each other as tight as possible....out of love of course.

Does it work? Probably not--(Sorry, mom and dad)...I think it just frustrates the kids more, because they do not want to hug each other. You can't force someone to "like" each other. Because afterall, that is what it is about. We kids, and my kids love each other--they just have to learn to get along. Sometimes that takes a year or two--sometimes, 25 or 30.

I made the kids hug today, simply because I just didn't know what else to do. I wanted them to get along, and I felt as if I had tried everything else. I was going to "make" them get along, whether they liked it or not ;).

So, as I stood there telling them to hug, my 3 year old son, looked at me as if I was crazy. Maybe I was. He didn't understand the punishment, and his sister was all too willing to hug him....which made him even more wary. He didn't even try to get close enough for her to wrap her arms around him. Instead, he asked for a spanking. I had to laugh, and I didn't spank him. He must have thought, that since I was so serious, this must be the worst punishment in the whole entire world!

So, we had a discussion- and I hope that they understood this very important lesson: When they fight, momma isn't happy, and when momma isn't happy--ain't nobody happy. Or something like that.

All things aside, I think I have it pretty good--Look, how sweet they are together....

2010-05-27T14:10:00.000-07:00

I have been having so much fun with my Pink Cricut website, I haven't written anything in awhile on here. That is not to stay the kids and I haven't busy, busy, busy--and enjoying our Spring. I just have to prioritize.

As a mother, I have learned that other mother's priorities are not the same as mine. That does not make them wrong, or me right--it just makes us different mothers. And, I am of the theory, that if we are trying to be a good mom--then we are good moms. Children (for the most part) are given to their perfect parent...,.not a PERFECT parent--but the perfect parent for them. All kids are different, and all kids need different styles of parents.

I struggle with this idea a lot...almost daily. I struggle with trying to be the PERFECT mom- and I worry that I fall short all of the time in my role as a mother. If I read 2 books a day to my kids, I would wish that I had read 3. If I took them to the park once a week, I would wish for 3x a week....and so, on. I am never perfect, in my own eyes. So, I have to remind myself over and over again--that I am perfect for my kids. They are healthy, smart, loved, well-behaved...and perfect for me.

They challenge me, they are patient with me, they love me unconditionally.

The same goes with other parents we may run into, in our busy lives...we may think they should be at every school function- when they are not. We might think they don't spend enough time with their kids. But, we don't know their story, we don't know their struggles or what goes on behind closed doors. They may be doing their best--and that is EXACTLY what their kids need.

So, I will try to love on my kids a little more everyday- I know that I won't stop worrying about falling short-- But, I will do the best I can, and hope the same for every child out there.

Lovin' Life

2010-05-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

Here we are--at a very FUN stage in our kids lives. We enjoyed them at babies, and sometimes long for those days back, when their coos and smiles were new...but we are SO ready for this stage. We took the kids to the Farmer's Market yesterday- where theyenjoyed themselves almost as much as we did. Then we played a little catch in the yard--and then we took them fishing!

Yes, it's crazy- Fishing wouldn't be my first choice of things to do. But, when it comes out our kids, I want them to try everything-- to have a taste of everything- to experience life at it's fullest. So, I took my PINK fishing pole (that my sweet husband bought for me), and NEVER fished with it. :) I was too busy working wtih the kids and their Transformer and Tinker Bell poles. Sure they got bored, after awhile--and started to play with our dog. Sure, Jaxen wouldn't touch the worm....And, they were never quiet enough to really be "real" fishermen--but, I enjoyed every moment of this experience.

I told Alexis at one point--that we were trying to catch our lunch--and in the olden days that is what we would have had to do to eat. She was a little nervous--til I reminded her that I packed us a picnic. :)

We took a break and cooked hot dogs and brats at the park- where the kids found several little caterpillars. Again, I was in awe as they watched this little guy inch around the table. They were amazed by his movements and his legs. I love watching them discover the world. I love being a part of their discovery.

These are amazing days for all of us! We are enjoying each and every single one! I wake up in the morning--and I think how wonderful our lives are. I think of how sweet, and fun our family is....and I am happy all over. I might not catch up on laundry....ever. I might not ever have clean floors. I might not ever be fully rested. But, who cares about that, when there is a world to discover with our babies. :)

PS. My husband is the one who gives me the strength to be the mom I want to be. Not only does he work hard so I can be home, he buys me pink fishing poles so I feel special along with the kids, he puts the worm on the hook so my kids won't see that it disgusts me, he lets me sleep in on the weekends and always has a latte waiting for me, he comes downstairs to help with the dishes after he has gone to bed. He shows me he loves me and that I am important and makes me feel like the love of his life--all while being a great dad. I am a lucky, lucky girl.

THIRTY

2010-05-11T23:02:00.000-07:00

So, I turned the big 3-0, last week. It's crazy to say it and even crazier to type it. But, I feel good about it- about where we are in life. We have had our babies, and we have "settled" so to speak. We are content. Sure, we still have goals we are aiming for, and things we want to do- but we are happy where we are, on the way to where we are going.

I think that is a great thing to be able to say at 30.

I look at it this way, we've had our babies--we got thru the crying and the sleepless nights. We got thru the teething and the diapers. We got thru the "tough" stuff. We can now sit back and enjoy ourselves a little, before life goes crazy again. Because, that is how it works. Life is a series of ups and downs, and smooths and rough spots.

Before long, Alexis will be starting school- and then Jaxen. Our lives will suddenly be filled with extracurricular activities, pta meetings, and such. We will be at sports games on the weekends-and trying to fit in family trips when there is time. We are at the "FUN" part...and I am so excited to be here!

Sure, there will still be struggles and disappointments. But, we handle them like everything else- we will pull together, lean on one another and hold on tight for the ride.

I will get wrinkles, and Kyle will get a gray hair or two. ( I won't-because I will insist on getting my hair colored so often, that I won't notice ;))

We are starting to realize now, that we are full-blown parents. We are at the stage, where we remember our parents being- when we were small, but old enough to remember some things.

So, this decade I look forward to the many memories we will create as a family. I say, bring on the roller coaster ride--because I am ready! We were made strong by the first years of struggling, and we can take anything! (almost anything--except for moving too far away from a Starbucks)

I am looking forward to this decade most of all, because I know that in my next decade both of my kids will be teenagers--and that is just scary-- So, please let this decade last forever! :)

By the way, I had a LOVELY and very Grown Up Dinner out with friends for my 30th. My husband treated me to a fabulous truffle steak/lobster tail dinner with champagne, wine and sauternes. I had 2 amazing cakes, and just got to bask in the moment of being right where I wanted to be at 30! (whew-I almost typed 40---NOT GOOD)

My husbands favorite photo from the night out!

Thanks to everyone who made my day so extra-special! I love you all!

Advice from the Childless

2010-05-10T16:30:00.000-07:00

It never seizes to amaze me when I hear a story about a Parent getting advice on "How to raise a child" from someone who has NO children.

News Flash

If you have no children it's like being on the Bench at a Football you can yell and scream all you want to at the players but know this....YOUR NOT IN THE GAME. Sit down and SHUT UP!

Oh what's that? Your learning by what I'm doing wrong on how to raise your children when you have them.

STOP IT!! I'm busting a gut laughing over here. You are in for the ride of your life when you finally decide to bring your likeness into the world.

KNOW THIS!

When you want that parenting advice from me or others who have been there and you make comments like "You don't know how to be a parent because you shouldn't let your child mix Playdoh, because it will turn grey and no one wants to play with Grey Playdoh."

Oh and "Because you let your child up early from "Time Out". When you say 5 minutes and let them out in 4 that's bad parenting."

That for every Birthday and Christmas present I give your children they will receive 8 jars of Playdoh and I'm going to mix it before I wrap it! Because that's what bad Parents DO!!

Okay, I had to repost this, because I like so many other parents get so tired of people who think they know how to raise/discipline/rear/train/teach (whatever they are calling it) children--and have NONE. I don't care if you've worked in a daycare for 20 years, I don't care if you've actually graduated from school and became a teacher--IT IS NOT THE SAME!!
Don't get me wrong--I was one of those teachers--and I know lots of daycare/preschool workers-- I know those are tough jobs, and there is a lot of hands-on learning for the adult in those cases. None of them make enough money, in my opinion. BUT--I've done it all, and I am here to tell you, NOTHING you do or read--will stack up to becoming a PARENT yourself.

So please, spare us your dirty looks, and snide remarks--because we WILL laugh at your struggles later on in life, when you do choose to have kids. I'm just saying.

To be perfectly honest with you, I am lucky to not have too many of these "people" in my life. For the most part, my family and friends accept and support my parenting--

A friend of mine, jokingly, has it all figured out--when she says "Why would we mess up our perfect parenting streak, by having our own children." Or something like that...thanks Katie!

2010-04-26T14:03:00.000-07:00

You know what I love about doing these blogs? I love that I can see where people are reading it from...I can see that people from the small town of Emporia all the way to Germany are reading it, how long they spend on one page, how often they visit and so on!! Isn't that amazing?

So, yes--Amanda, when you read this--I know you are in Germany thinking of me :). Now, you can see that I am thinking of you~

Isn't the internet a great way of keeping up-to-date!?!

Thanks for reading, from wherever you are!!
Sarah

We're back Home

2010-04-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

I am back home, in Des Moines now...with one less car, but more clothes and shoes than we left with, thanks to Grandma :).

Jaxen's bag did not make it out of the burning car--so, we had to do some shopping on Friday, and of course we can't just shop for Jaxen :).

Grandma played with the kids while I searched for cars online for parts of the day, and then we went to a tasty Fish fry on Friday night. The kids LOVED the fish--and I have never seen them eat so much! I think they both must be going thru a big growth spurt.

I just wanted to thank all of you who checked on us during this crazy little incident. I am always amazed at the kindness and love from our family and friends. Some neighbors came to check on us, after we got back today-- and Aunt Bekah stayed to hang out for a little while, which was nice for everyone.

Kyle and I will continue searching for a car--I don't want to rush into something, just for the sake of getting something. But, hopefully we will find something that is "right" for us, sooner than later, since we had a trip to Minneapolis planned for this coming weekend.

I rest easy (okay, with hesitation because I like to be in control) in knowing that everything happens in God's perfect timing. Afterall, it was in his timing that the car started acting up enough for me to pull over- it was in his timing that I was able to get the kids out of the car, it was in his perfect timing that the stranger from Texas stopped to help me, it was in his perfect timing that my mom was available and ready to come to rescue us from the interstate--and it will be in his timing that we find a car.

So, honey...the car caught on fire...

2010-04-22T20:05:00.000-07:00

Driving to see my parents today- the car started to act really weird. I surprisingly kept my cool--and turned on the hazards, while it slowed....I thought, maybe it was running out of gas, which seemed weird since it hadn't beeped at me, and it was at 1/4 of a tank last I looked. And then , it revved and tried to speed itself up...I remember the gas pedal pushing itself all the way to the floor, on it's own...which made me think maybe the Cruise Control was going crazy. I looked for the nearest exit- 1 mile. There was no way I was going to make it so I pulled to the side of the highway. We are talking BUSY, busy, BUSY highway.

I saw smoke coming from the hood--and then waited for a quick break in 70mph traffic to sneak out of my car and lift the hood. Not sure what I was going to do with it lifted--but I thought I'd better take a look. So, after figuring out how to actually lift the hood--I looked and saw nothing, really -just some smoke. So, I thought--overheated.

I went to the passengers side door, to lean in and check on the kids and have a seat--when I saw smoke rolling into the cabin from the low dash area. This was not good. I quickly, got out, and opened the kids door nearest the field -- and got them unbuckled and out of the car. I stood them far away. I walked towards the car- seeing a small flame underneath the car on the asphalt. I grabbed what I saw in the passengers seat (my overnight bag, Alexis' overnight bag, my purse, pictures we brought for grandma and pretzels.) I wasn't thinking about what I was grabbing--I was just grabbing what I saw-- and quickly. If I had been thinking, I wouldve grabbed chargers, gps, tvs and Jaxen's bags. But, instead the pretzels were there and I took them ?

I don't remember shutting the doors to the car--but apparently I did. At this point, I am not sure what would have been better , opened or shut. I walked the kids as far away as we could in brush. I thought, if the car went into flames, the hay wouldn't be far behind.

I didn't hesitate even for a second as I called 911, to tell them that my car was about to go up in flames. Instead my trusty mobile phone decided to ask me 3 times, if I was sure I wanted to enter into emergency mode...yes, yes, yes. I talked to the dispatcher, and shockingly could tell her my exact location. (I never pay attention to these things) - She already knew I had 2 kids w/ me, so another passeryby must have called it in.

I hung up with them, in time to see a truck pull over with a man and a wife about my parents age. They were the sweetest souls in the world, helping in any possible way. They told us about their grandkids and he collected all the photos that were now flying around the field for grandma. When the police officers got there, the man filled them in, and helped me to carry the kids thru the brush to get to the officer's vehicles. The woman carried our bags- I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for those travellers to have stopped on their route from TX to Illinois. I may have gotten a wild hair to open up the car, and get Jaxen's bag which he was asking about...the man had warned me that if I opened the doors w/ that much heat and smoke inside--it would blow up. But, I wouldn't have known that--I may have thought the opposite.

The firefighters came w/ 3 trucks and took care of the car-investigating the cause. Electric. They called the towing company for me, and then the officers waited for my mom to come and pick us up. While I took pictures of the car and thanked the men who helped me-- Alexis and Jaxen got a little hands-on lesson with the police officers and their paperwork.

I look back and wonder how I worked so quickly, and w/o any hesitation to get us to safety-- and how I kept my cool thru all of the chaos- and I don't see the Sarah I expected to see. You see, I am the girl who frantically freaks out at a car issue. Stuck in the middle of an intersection--oh my gosh....I thought I would be that same girl, because:

No one told me what to look for in a car that is going to blow up.
No one told me how to handle two curious children on a busy highway, while trying to stay far away from the car.
No one told me their son might want his Buzz Lightyear bag, after I have forgotten it-and the fire has begun.
No one told me that it can get so hot in the car from just smoke that it can start to melt things.
No one told me not to fill up with gasoline that morning--but by not doing so--weakened the fire- because of lack of accelerant. ( Thank you gas station by my house, that was too busy for me to bother stopping in)

But, also:
No one told me I was going to be strong enough, when it mattered.
No one told me I was going to be calm and peaceful thru the storm.
No one told me I would have someone holding my hand thru this obstacle, as I held on tightly to the 2 things that mattered the most to me in this world. (Thank you sweet angels, from Texas for stopping on your trip cross country to stand with a scared girl and her 2 babies, because you saw your own daughter and grandkids standing there)
No one told me even Starbucks and new heels would take the trauma of the event away.

I appreciate every single person who worked hard on keeping me and my children safe today- I cannot thank you enough! For those of you who said a prayer of concern or gratitude--thank you. For all of you-- may you never have to pull out your children from a car that is going up in flames--and if you do, may you be led by whatever led me today, making my actions possible in the midst of chaos.

Life goes down to many twists and turns-- just yesterday I was giggling under a pink umbrella, walking down the street- today, it could have been much worse-but, I got lucky and I was a hero to my children. ( I use that word with great hesitation, because I don't like to call myself that...but I cannot think of another word) and whatever/whomever gave me that strength -- THANK YOU!

ps. if part of this doesn't make sense-- I apologize- I took ambien before writing it....in the hopes for a peaceful night of sleep.

The Escape Artist

2010-04-19T21:30:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my father-in-law came to fence in our backyard. Some neighbors pitched in, but it was still a very long weekend for all.

There are 2 double gates, with one door locking in place at the bottom and a top latch on both pieces up top. Today, as I let my kids play in the backyard--I realizd that Jaxen figured out how to get out of the gate-- It took him all of 3 minutes-- wow. He never ceases to amaze me!
I called his dad, and told him we should re-work the gate mechanism, so that our little escape artist would stay in--as well as mentioning that we should sign him up for safe-cracking classes. I am sure the FBI could use someone with his skills--even if he is only 3!

So, the adventure continues tomorrow, with the boy who keeps me on my toes every minute of the day--yet, pulls on every single heartstring within me. I love that boy.

2010-04-16T15:45:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! Just wanted to let you know--that my crafting blog- has it's own domain name now...and I have started uploading how-to videos and such on there. There are some exciting things in the future-with it...SO, I wanted to be sure you all went over there and followed, so you wouldn't miss anything!!

It is http://www.pinkcricut.com/

Thanks for being so supportive!!
Sarah

2010-04-09T12:04:00.001-07:00

Kindergarten Readiness

2010-03-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

Wow- my baby girl is starting Kindergarten this year! It is hard to believe, that this time has already come. In the years of her life, I thought I had prepared it for this day. The next paragraph--may sound like bragging, so if you would like to skip it over it, you may.

Alexis has known how to spell and write her name since she was 2.
She has been able to count to 20 since she was 2.
She knows how to do simple addition and subtraction using more than one method. (counting fingers, counters, drawing dots, starting to count up).
She can identify every letter and tell you the sound they make with 90% accuracy (some letters make more than one sound, and some sounds are made by more than 1 letter).
She can sound out and spell most 3 and 4 letter words.
She uses imaginative spelling for longer words.
She has been exposed to many types of print--and several genres of literature.
She has been surrounded by books her whole life.
She has started to recognize fractions while we cook together.
She can explain in depth the life cycle of a butterfly.
She can recite the days of the week and the months of the year.
She knows her colors including the order of the rainbow.
She uses words like "blueprints" and "evidently," in her every day conversation.
She knows her address and her mother and father's names in case she is lost.
Plus, many other things she always seems to amaze us with---

Now, of course, if you ask her--she learned all of these things from one person..."Dora." ;)

So, with a 4 year old, who knows ALL of this...why is it--that I can be made to feel so completely inadequate in teaching my daughter- when I go to Kindergarten Roundup, and I hear these words.

"In your packet, you will find a booklet of nursery rhymes--if your child does not know these, work on these this year. It has been shown that children who come to school with the knowledge of these nursery rhymes are better students."

WAIT?! WHAT?! Now, don't get me wrong--my daughter has heard the nursery rhymes at one point or another. Have we repeated them for memorization? Absolutely not. I thought--it would be better to stretch her imagination and literature experience by reading, "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe," "Kit Kittredge" chapter books...and so on.

I sat there, not thinking of all that my daughter knows--but, that I had somehow failed her by not teaching her these nursery rhymes. Could school readiness be that simple? Did I miss the boat, somehow? My daughter, who has never entered a school building (aside from helping me with cheerleading practices in Elementary School, when she was 2) can read/write/compute/reason/communicate efficiently --and I feel like it's not enough.

I guess tomorrow, we will start on learning nursery rhymes ;). If she learns them- great. If not, that's okay too-- because I know she will succeed in school, not because she knew her nursery rhymes, but because she is successful in everything she does. :)

Dreaming

2010-03-30T09:14:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been dreaming...more like daydreaming. It is constantly in my thoughts and never far from my mind.

This daydream is of a baby girl. She has a name, and she is ours. It is a sister for Alexis and Jaxen--and I can't get her out of my mind. I reason her away most days-- but, she sneaks in there whenever she gets the chance.

I convince myself, even if we tried to have her--she'd probably not be a she, but a he. Or, there'd be two of her--then what? So, I guess fear of the unknown keeps me from chasing this daydream.

Am I crazy? Will I daydream of a baby for the rest of my life--would I be satisfied if this baby were born to us?

More kids equal needing more room, and the money split between one more child. More kids means starting over, from the baby stage.

The hardest part for me, is that she has a name this time....I can't get that name out of my mind....

2010-03-25T11:15:00.000-07:00

Despite our colds and lack of energy-- the kids have had lunch--(grandma brought them McDonalds) and they are now in their room playing...together...quietly...and getting along. So, I thought I would take this rare opportunity to write a little :).

I am not feeling myself today, I actually feel like I have a hangover of some sort--but, there was no drinking involved. I feel broken, alone and confused. However, as I look for the words to write--I notice that my toes are a very shiny, bright pink--and that makes me happy.

I feel sad. My daughter told me yesterday that she thought I was grouchy sometimes. Although, I understood her childlike opinion, it still hurt a little. When asked to explain, she said it was because I didn't let her watch tv at nap time. That is true, and I will hold my ground on that one--but, I am sure at times I am grouchy with them...and they don't see a mom full of love 100% of the time...and that makes me so incredibly sad. How can I not be show them love all of the time--how can that small sounding task be so exhausting? Am I alone in feeling this way? Is it truly simple for those of you out there that feel like they can always answer their child with a smile, and calm reactions?

I am lost in trying to find my balance this week. I don't know if it is because I am sick or because my body is playing tricks on me-- but, I am not feeling much like the super-mom I expect myself to be. I could come up with a list of ways I am fall short- and as I browse that mental list, it is like a bullet to the chest.

Sure, I can look at my kids--and by default, they must have a decent mother because they are good kids. But, instead I try to think of ways I could do better, be a better example, show them how much I love them better-- I always think I can be better, there is no best for me.

That to me is the hardest thing about becoming a mother-- I can't be the BEST. I can't get that A+ on my paper-- I can't reach perfection. I can only try-- and I am not handling that well. I want that A+, I want a trophy. Okay, maybe not a trophy, but I want to know I am doing the job perfectly. Except in motherhood- there is no PERFECT.

I do know this- I can't dwell on my imperfections-- because I am wasting precious time with my children. So, I will end this for now- and go back to being mommy. Afterall, how can I miss out on them-- I just heard my son say to my daughter, "you are the best sissy ever in the whole world."

I love them SO much! <3

Another lesson in Mommyhood

2010-03-19T13:16:00.000-07:00

As a mother, I have learned not to have the following lying around the house: Markers, Stickers, Liquid Soap. Noone ever told me this rule, I have just learned by experience--horrible, messy experience ;).

At first, I wanted to be the "fun" mom--I wanted my kids to have all these creative utensils at their disposal. But, now-- I stick to crayons, pencils and paper-- and even some of those are put out of reach. Yes, I tried the magic markers that only color on special paper-- along w/ the same paintbrushes, crayons, and paints. They are very gunky and dry out quickly...and we have gone thru many sets. But, let's face it--they just aren't the same.

A few months ago, I gave in and purchased small whiteboards and dry erase markers for learning time with the kids. As a "retired," teacher, I knew the convenience and learning benefits for reading and writing with whiteboard activities. So, the teacher in me, overrode the mom in me--

This worked out okay for awile, and then I realized my son was trying to experiment with the markers. So, up on the top of the refrigerator they went--far out of reach of any little hands. Or, so I thought. Our son got bigger and more daring. And, one day as I was getting ready for the day, he made his way to the top of the refrigerator (who would have thought bar-height chairs was a bad idea?).

I came down to a son covered in dry erase marker as well as a carpet full of red, green and black lines. I guess he didn't bother to get the blue marker. I freaked out a little-- okay, maybe a lot. But, as a mother I have learned never to attempt to remove a stain without first doing a little research, because you could just make it worse.

So, I quickly googled dry-erase marker on carpet and what do you know? Other mothers with the same kind of "accident." I learned that rubbing alcohol would take it out with lots and lots of blotting. So, I grabbed my bottle of rubbing alcohol and away I went. As I blotted for an eternity, I ran out of rubbing alchohol and frantically texted neighbors for their rubbing alcohol. Thankfully, my good neighbor Wendy, had a bottle.

So, 2 bottles of rubbing alcohol and a house smelling like a hospital later- the stains were completely out of my light tan carpet. I opened up the windows to air out the heavy alcohol smell, and thought better of starting up the fireplace to counteract all the cold air coming in. That could have made the situation MUCH worse! Now onto the boy--

I asked him why he drew all over himself, and he explained to me matter-of-factly, that he was a "transformer." Of course, how could I have not known? Actually as I looked at him-- he did look a little like Optimus Prime. Thankfully, it just took a little soap and water to get most of the marker off of him!
See, with a girl-- I didn't have this problem. She didn't like to climb on things, especially not on the refrigerator. She didn't try to look like a transformer-- Boys can be challenging in their own little ornery but cute way!

Don't get me wrong, I know girls are challenging in their own way--with a fashion diva as a daughter (not to mention her mouthy mother...wait, did I say that?)... I am very aware of their challenging behaviors.

May the Force be with You

2010-03-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

I am not a fan of Star Wars, by any means--or was that Star Trek ;). Anyway, this quote came to mind, as I was thinking today that mothers must have some sort of magnetic force within us. Which sounds amazing, right?

I realized that I had this magnetic power ther other day as I slid my hand ever so slightly, towards my daughter's hand -- and, her hand automatically, without thinking about it, slid towards mine.

This happens with both of my children... no matter what we are doing or where we are. We can be walking, snuggling, sitting at a table or playing. All I have to do, is simply and slightly move my hand in their direction--and it's like a force within me, that is so strong, sucks their hands to mine--and doesn't let go.

This also can happen in a full-body kind of way when we see each other after a "pause," from one another. This pause could be a mommy-only shopping trip, a mommy and daddy date night, a night of sleep, a nap, or a trip to the bathroom. When their little bodies see me--my magnetic force, pulls them to me and into a hug. This is usually accompanied by a sqeal of, "Mommeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!"

You would think, by reading this that this is the most wonderful gift a mother could ask for-- but, it has it's faults. For instance, my magnetic force somehow loses its strength when we are outdoors at a fun place (park, pool, etc). It also seems to lose its strength when their are friends around, or when it it time to clean up.

The strength is also hightened at other times...For instance, the magnetic force is at an all-time high, when Mommy is on the phone, with company, in the shower, or going potty herself. At these times, it does not matter where, when or how fast I go, or where I try to hide--the magnetic force will pull the kids to me-- IT NEVER FAILS. Actually, this anomaly is what inspired the name for my blog. Finding Myself Before the Kids Find Me....I just didn't mention that the kids would find me by magnetic force.

So, yes, I am thankful for my Mommy Magnetism, because there is nothing sweeter than holding your child's tiny little hand in yours. I am also thankful for my brief just mommy-moments (because let's be honest, showering becomes a little more difficult, with a kid hanging onto your leg)

Although, It would be nice to figure out how to reverse my polarity--so I could have the best of both worlds--anyone figure that out?

Monster Spray

2010-03-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

Our 4 year old daughter, has been struggling with sleeping at night. She seems to think there are monsters in her room--although, she can't describe what these monsters are--she just knows she does not like to be in the dark with them.

(note: this guy kinda creeps me out--I think I know where she gets her fear of monsters from ;)

After many sleepless nights as the mom, I thought we could solve the problem, with some "Monster Spray." You can buy at Bath and Body Works, it smells like fruit or flowers and when sprayed it wards of Monsters. ;) ;)

I explained the Monster Spray to my daughter--rather vaguely- because I didn't want us to be stuck with this spray for years. She thought the idea of it was amazing-- I sprayed the normal monster hiding spots-- under the bed, behind the door, in the closet, etc. Then I handed her the spray. I told her that if she saw or heard something, that all she had to do was spray the Monster Spray in the general direction. And, because my kids were never satisfied with simply asking why--but only satisfied after they dug much, much deeper--The rest of the conversation went like this:

"So, what happens to the monster then...?"
"It disappers?"
"So, where does its wax go?" (I am thoroughly puzzled by this)
"What wax?"
"The pile of wax he turns into." (Oh, of course--why didn't I think of this)
"Oh, no honey--there won't be wax, he will evaporate into the air."
"Oh, he'll disolve?"
"yes."

Okay, problem solved- kisses given, blankets tucked--and I am walk out the door, only making it down 3 steps when I hear a frantic cry from our daughter.

"MOOOOMMM" (grrr...I thought we solved this with a miracle, magical monster solution)
"yes, honey..."
"I acidentally sprayed myself w/ the Monster Spray!!! Am I going to EVAPORATE??!?!"

I sigh, because with Alexis, nothing is ever plain and easy-- she overthinks EVERYTHING-- so, most of the time I am left wondering if I am doing more harm than good.

"No, honey-- you will not evaporate- it ONLY works on monsters." (a conclusion, not as obvious as one might think--although, there have been times both of my children have acted like monsters--hmmm...maybe it will work on them....)

Crisis averted, and everyone in the house got a good night's sleep.
Unfortunately, this magical solution did not last very long--before she realized the silliness of it :/. Oh well, I guess I should feel blessed she is so smart--but it sure makes things challenging!

So, if any of you have any ideas on how to rid a 4 year olds bedroom of monsters-- let me know, because our sleep is depending on it!

Geocaching

2010-03-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

Today, I woke up with the crazy idea--to take the kids and ourselves on our very first geocaching trip. If you are unfamiliar with geocaching, geocaching is described as:

"...a high-tech treasure hunting game played throughout the world by adventure seekers equipped with GPS devices. The basic idea is to locate hidden containers, called geocaches, outdoors and then share your experiences online. Geocaching is enjoyed by people from all age groups, with a strong sense of community and support for the environment."

I downloaded a geocaching app on my phone last night, and after our time change this morning, we were ready to go! There were several within a mile of our home- but, since we can't cut straight thru--they were within 2 miles. Anyway, the whole way I was hoping that we would be able to find the cache and that it had not been compromised....and also, that there would be something that would excited our 2 children, who had brought their own things to leave behind.

After a long walk, on one of our first beautiful days-- we arrived at the coordinates. We looked and looked around--not knowing exactly what we were looking for. Then, "daddy," spotted the cache-- and we looked inside. Jaxen found a very cool Sheriff's badge and a pencil sharpener. Alexis found a fairy and a pencil sharpener. To a 3 year old and a 4 year old, these were treasures beyond measure. They left the treasures that they brought--and we headed back home.

The kids loved the treasure hunt, and are looking forward to our next one. I think Daddy had a good time too-- what guy doesn't like to go on a treasure hunt? Of course, after the long walk and all of the adventure--the kids and daddy were wiped out! They fell asleep together, on the chair in the living room. :)

If you are interested in trying geocaching on your own, go to http://www.geocaching.com/ for more information and to find caches in your area. And, if you have a smartphone, no need for a gps, just use your phone!

2010-03-14T21:29:00.000-07:00

Did you ever know that mothers have superpowers? I know I have convinced my kids of this, but I didn't fully believe it myself until I thought about it today...

As a mother, you immediately know your child's cry- you can pick your child's cry out of 100 babies cries, I suppose. I know this is immediate, because when we had Alexis, the nurses took her to the nursery under the strict orders not to give her any formula or pacifiers. So, she came back from the nursery often-- as did other babies.

But, as we sat in our room, and Alexis was being wheeled down the long corridor, I knew EVERY single time when it was her--because I could hear her identifiable cry. Kyle and I would look at each other and just know-- that our Alexis Faith would be there within a minute or so.

This ability continues as the child grows--and I can still pick out my kids' cries over other kids--but with that I am also able to note the kind of cry it is...a pretend-we're-playing-house-cry, an I-stubbed-by-toe-or-other-insignificant-incident-cry, a my-sibling-is-being-mean-to-me-cry, the I-am-scared-cry, the I-am-tired-cry and the I-am-REALLY-hurt-cry.

I am not tooting my own horn, because I am pretty sure every mother has this superpower, if you will.
I am gratefull that most of my children's cries fall in the first 5 kinds of cries. But, there are those moments-like today that you hear that I-am-REALLY-hurt-cry, and no matter where you are, how far away you are, what you are wearing or doing, you stop instantly and go to the side of your child. See, it is much like a superpower.

Today, I was getting out of the shower, just wrapped the towel around myself-when I heard our daughter yell in pain. I think I leapt to her side at the bottom of the stairs, as her dad did from a different direction. She had fallen from the middle of the stairs, and landed straight on her back, knocking the wind out of her. Was she okay, for the most part- yes, thankfully. But, it was a nice reminder to the superpowers God has given us as parents, to take care of our children to the best of our ability.

I will hear her when she cries, I will be able to kiss away her tears, I will be able to make everything better- Not because I googled it, or because I researched it in a book (this is what I do for everything else in life, however)...but because I am a mother.

Mothers are modern-day Superheroes. I dare anyone to prove me wrong ;)

The mother of a B-O-Y

2010-03-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

Being a mother of a first-born daughter, I didn't realize how very different it would be to raise a boy. I never thought I would have to say for the 50th time that day, "please, put your clothes back on!"
Other things, I thought I would never be saying are:
"hands don't go in your underpants."
"you cannot bake with mommy, while you are naked."
"Where are your underwear?"
"Please put that away."
"You can't answer the door without clothes on."
"Where have these salad tongs been...?"

Okay, I will let you figure out what our son has discovered in the last few weeks......waiting....(light bulb comes on)....okay...now, I will continue.

I never, in my wildest dreams, could have even scratched the surface of what to expect with raising a boy. I tell my stories to those around me, with sons--and they just shake their heads...uh, huh....they've been there, done that.

So, if they have all been there and done that--where was my warning? Where was my copy of "What to expect, when Raising Boys" ??

I am so glad, I am for the most part a calm mother- because I barely flinched when our darling son figured out his "peanuts" can be different sizes-- Sure, I asked myself how this could possibly happen to a newly 3 year old...and I giggled under my breath as he breathed a sigh of relief when it was back to its "widdle" size.

Nor, do I flinch as he often peeks inside to gauge its status. I do feel bad that he is stuck home with a sister and a mother--during this time of self-discovery. And, I am seeing a pattern of him, finding humor in his anatomy and the reactions he gets --ahh....boys!

How can this girly, mother raise a boy in this tender time of boyhood? I have no idea, but I will stumble through-- and I will do my best- and pray that by school-time he is more interested in a pencil and paper than his, "peanuts."

(Jaxen, my dear son...when you read this one day- whether I am here or not-- please know that I love you more than you will ever know. You are my sunshine, and I cannot imagine life without you. You have challenged me in the best of ways, and I look forward to every single day with you, as you teach me about motherhood and life. I love you, Jaxen)

I'm still here

2010-03-14T20:59:00.000-07:00

Wow- it's been awhile since I have written.
I have thought about writing often, but I never seem to have the thoughts flowing when I sit down at the computer. (Okay, I don't really sit down at a computer--I lounge on the couch with the laptop balanced between my legs and tummy).

Whichever way the computer is connected to me, my fingers always levitate above the keys--without the slightest movement...until, I mouse over to my favorite time-waster, Facebook or Online Shopping :).

So, to prevent my kids from thinking that there was a void in our existance from feb-march 2010- I will attempt a quick recap of our lives.

Oh Hap-PEE Day

2010-02-23T12:00:00.000-08:00

Our son, did not have any desire to use the potty. He did not care if he was wet, or dirty. He didn't want to take the time to stop what he was doing, to go to the bathroom. The whole year he was 2, I tried on different ocassions to start potty training, without ever having much success.

I would stop, and wait a few weeks--and start again, thinking he might be ready this time. I would get suggestions from friends and family-- and sometimes, even a gasp. "He's almost 3, and still not potty trained!" I did NOT let others bring me down, or feel bad about my pullup wearing child. It wasn't their business, and it wasn't their problem. Afterall, I was the one buying and changing the pullups. I will, however, smile knowingly one day, when they look at me after having children, and their potty training attempts fail.

I would always reiterate, that he just wasn't ready yet. Some kids, (ofen boys), just aren't ready as soon as girls. I didn't push him so hard, that I was actually potty training myself- by timing his pottying so that I didn't miss any movements, so to speak. It just didn't make sense to put us both thru that.

Then Jaxen turned 3, and we started another potty training attempt. To our utter amazement, this attempt worked almost immediately. We didn't do much, just offered an incentive. We started off by allowing him to earn stars for going potty on his own. If he earned 10 stars, the first week--he got a toy at the end of the week. He hit his goal. The second week, if he earned 20 stars, he got a toy. This week, he has to have 5 completely dry days- to get his toy.

But, here is the thing--it isn't about the stars or the toys to him. Sure he likes the toys, but when he has to go potty he goes-- w/o ever asking for a star. I stand by my original statement, that he just wasn't ready before. Now, he is. It is clear, that with all the other useless attempts- this one has been quick and simple.

Do I dare say, he is POTTY TRAINED, officially, yet? Nope-- not gonna jinx myself after a year of parental failures in that arena. He knows we are beyond proud of him, and we will keep the toy thing up until we are positive we are potty trained.

With this experience, we have chuckled often. I chuckle when I see him stumble to the potty in the morning, and stand to pee. Normally, he sits, but in the mornings he likes to stand.. I chuckle when he comes to me and says, he "played with his squirt gun." I chuckle when he thinks he needs to change his underwear after every time that he sits on the potty, even if they are clean and dry.

But, I smile proudly when I realize I haven't changed an oopsy pullup in weeks. And, I smile proudly when I see that toilet seat up in the morning. I smile proudly, when I hear his footsteps running down the hall, and him calling, "I have to go potty!"

I can't believe both of our children are thru this important stage-- and becoming such big kids! It is a very bittersweet moment for me. However, I will take the memories of their baby years over more diapers any day!

On another note, which I just can't bare to leave out. My son, saw Transformers 1 with his dad, and loves the parts with Bumblebee. He vividly remember the part of the movie where Bumblebee unscrews his "oil cap," and is told to quit lubricating the man.

Bumblee in Tranformers Click to watch

During our 2nd week of successful potty training, Jaxen stood above his dad, who was laying down, unscrewed his oil cap, (located on his bellybutton), made the psssssssssss sound, and said, "I lubricate you."

His dad and I both laughed....a lot! We couldn't help it! Then I realized that in this important time of potty training, that I was so glad that he didn't realize what the movie was implying- or we could have had a whole other mess on our hands!

23 more days!

2010-02-03T07:11:00.000-08:00

23 more days, marks the end of my time with someone else's baby. I will be so happy to spend my days with Alexis and Jaxen- without the distraction or responsibility of another mother's bundle of joy. Although, babies can be fun--it is time for me to concentrate on just my babies-before, they are no longer babies.

Alexis starts Kindergarten in the fall, and Jaxen is not far behind her. I feel them slipping into busy school kids, who don't snuggle with their mom in the morning or don't need to be tucked in-- and I am clinging onto the last days with desperation. But, I refuse to let my desperation, stand in the way of allowing myself to enjoy these days with them...

We will skip, jump in puddles, eat ice cream before lunch, build castles in the sand....and most importantly I will never once, not even for a moment--regret, my decision to spend this precious time with my babies. I will look back and cherish every, "small," moment-- It is like the quote by Robert Brault, "“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

It is the little moments spent with your babies, that teach them how to love, and how to be loved. The little moments show them they are important and worthy of your undivided attention. These moments shape them into the adults they will one day become- and they will forever become a part of me, that I will cling to, with the same desperation in my last days on this earth.

So, I will be selfish for me, and I will be selfish for my kids--because I don't want anything to stand in the way of these moments-- I also know that our kids need more than me, they need their dad too. So, I am grateful that Kyle has a job that allows him to be home with them more than he ever has been able to in the past. The kids have loved having him around, and spending time with their daddy. He has worked hard to get where he is at, and we have been blessed to be put in a position, where we are able to make this decision, without worry.

Dream with me

2010-01-21T10:17:00.000-08:00

My sweet daughter, loves to dream with me. Sometiems she asks me what I want to dream about, and I make up some elaborate setting for our dreams to take place. Other times, she knows exactly what she wants to dream about, and she tells me about the setting, or character I will play in these dreams. Then she says, "See you in my dreams..." and we go to our beds.

Now, of course I don't really get to choose my dreams-- and most often I don't even remember my dreams. I wonder if she really dreams, what we've talked about, or if they are just settings and events she thinks about before drifting off to sleep. Either way, it is a sweet way to part from one another.

Every once in awhile, we get caught up in our daily events, and we forget to talk about the dreams we will meet each other in. It was after one of those evenings, that Alexis sat at the breakfast table, eager to tell me about her dream.

"Mom, do you want to hear about my dream?"
Without blinking, I sleepily answer, "sure." I thought I would hear an elaborate story of princesses and castles, or of riding an elephant in a circus, or of being a Musketeer. Instead, I heard something that shook me out of my sleepiness, faster than any cup of coffee.
"I found this wishing well, and I made a wish."
"uh-huh."
"Do you know what I wished for?"
"no...what?"
Here it comes....With more excitement than any mother is ready for at 7:30am..."I wished for my boyfriend, and he appeared...and he had blonde hair and green eyes, and he was so handsome, that I almost kissed him before we got married...."

My eyes were wide open, questions and concerns replaced the fuzzy nothingness in my head, and my heart beat just a bit faster. I tried to stay calm, and not act like this dream came as a shock, as I looked at my 4 year old daughter.

"Wait, you wished for your boyfriend?"
"yeah, and he was so handsome, that I almost kissed him before we got married.?"
"So, did you kiss him before you got married...?"
"No, mom- I can't kiss him til I get married...."

I am sure I couldn't hide my sigh of relief. Not, that we are a family that believes there should be no kissing before marriage, but we are a family that is postponing any dating for our children til they are at least over 4 :). In all seriousness, Alexis will probably not be able to date until she is 16.
We want our children to become who God intends them to become, before stifling their unique personalities or losing their deserved innocence, by dating too soon. I wouldn't say we are over-protective, but we also come from homes that encouraged allowing children to be just that....children. There is no good reason, to rush them through this special and important time in their lives.

I also understand, as I write these words that things may happen differently, that what I expect--and that life will do it's best at surprising me. Parenting in general, has surprised me. I had an ideal of what parenting was, and how I would parent--and the steps I would take in rearing and raising my children. And, I am sure I am not the first to say, that after you actually become a parent-- any ideals you might have had, are completely BLOWN out of the water, leaving you with only a trace of what you expected.

Then of course, when you think you have found your footing in parenting, then you have another child-- OR, your child gets older. Parenting is an unending obstacle course, with new challenges at every age. But, I honestly Thank God for these challenges, because it means I AM a parent, and love my kids enough to care about the challenges of parenting them.

Am I confident that I am making all the right decisions in parenting--nope, are any of us?
But, I am confident that no matter what they do, I will love my kids--and we will get through it.

In the meantime, I will be proud that my daughter is saving her first kiss for her handsome, blonde hair, green eyed boyfriend for marriage. And, without a doubt, I will keep any blonde hair, green-eyed boys far, far, far away from my daughter. Just in case. ;)

Proud Momma

2010-01-09T11:23:00.000-08:00

As a mother, there are those times that make you as proud as a peacock. Some of those moments, are expected--and then there are those times that come out of the blue, and leave you speechless. Although, I
am proud of my kids when they show excellence in things--

I was proud of Jaxen when he learned how to get dressed himself, or Alexis when she learned how to read and write--but those, are all things that I expect to happen. However, it is not the same kind of pride I feel when I realize they are becoming the kind of person I want them and God wants them to become. These are the moments, that let you realize in a flash, that you are doing a great job raising a well-balanced, loving, smart, caring child.

Like today, as I sat next to my 2 yr. old son on the couch. He had 2 little blankets, one on him and one next to him. I left the one on him, and pulled the other one on top of me. He looked at me, with love in his eyes, because he was happy I was sitting next to him. And, then this conversation took place.

"That's for my sissy." (the blanket)
"oh. I'll give it back to her."
"No, I'll give her mine." -- what???! I'll give her mine, a 2 year old giving up his blanket for his sister, so mommy can have one and sister can have one--and him left without. I was shocked and so very proud. To be fair, he is almost 3-- but, all the same, it was a genuine gesture that some adults would not make.

Jaxen is becoming such a sweet, loving boy. Sure, he still likes to play hard and get into everything-- but, at the end of the day what is important to me, is that he is growing into a man I can be proud of raising. I am thankful for those moments, that take me by surprise and remind me that we, as parents are on the right track. Because, I need encouragement, like every other parent out there. I need to know I am doing a good job raising a son and a daughter.

Bye-bye Baby

2010-01-06T12:30:00.000-08:00

I know my 2 children will always be my babies, but when is someone's baby, no longer a baby?

My youngest, is just about to turn 3- and I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I love so many things about his baby-self, including his round little face, his hand dimples, and the sweet way he talks. So, as these things start to disappear, I wonder if my baby is disappearing also.

Sure I will be proud when he can say "yogurt," instead of "ogurt" but-- a part of my heart will also break. His accomplishments, are steps to him becoming a, "big boy," and that is the scariest part for me.

When I look down at his hands, and there are knuckles where his hand dimples used to be, I think I might actually cry. These are all small changes, that happen overtime-- but the end result is the bittersweet reality I am not ready to face. Because, I can't bare the thought of him not wanting to "nuggle" me in the mornings or bare the thought of him not wanting my hugs and kisses.

Don't get me wrong- I do not miss the sleepless nights, the teething, the baby food, the diapers, the spitup and so on, and so on....

I just wish I could freeze time- my daughter could stay 4 and my son could stay 2 til the end of time...okay, maybe that's not such a good idea. But, I just want to reiterate how fast time truly does go when raising children. Which is my favorite quote remains to be, " The days are long, but the years are short."

It could only have been a parent that wrote that-- and probably a mother. Any mother knows how very long days can be with a cranky toddler or a colicky baby. The patience it takes to get through one single day, as the laundry and dishes pile up, and you can't even fit in a 5 minute shower. A day can seem to last forever-- but, even so- at the end of that day, while you lay in bed in the silence you have been praying for all day...you realize how quickly the years are going by with your baby. You see the time in fast forward- and all you can do is long to hold and be with that child that drove you crazy all day long.

So, I do what any mother would do-- I deprive myself of a little more sleep- so I can go stare at my sleeping baby, while they are still a baby.

WE will not be a Statistic

2010-01-05T21:16:00.000-08:00

If 50% of marriages end in divorce-- it begs the question....why? Do they get married too young? Do people change? Do they make an unforgivable mistake?

The percentage is higher, the younger you get married-- I am in the 2nd tier of risk, since I was 24, had I waited one more year, our statistics would have been better. What were we thinking?!

Here is another statistic:

50% of women cheat on their husbands at some point in their marriage and 60% of men cheat on their wives. Which means....that someone is having an affair in 80% of all marriages!!! OMG- isn't that positively ridiculous to think about?! Forgive the overuse of exclamation and question marks, but I am honestly shocked!

I knew the number had to be high, since it seems like every time you turn around you hear about the unthinkable. But, 80% and yet, the divorce rate is only 50%. (I am sure there is some crossover like both husband and wife cheating in one marriage) I don't know if we should be proud or ashamed that are divorce rate is less than our cheating rate?

All I do know, is that it makes me incredibly sad. Sad, that we cannot be faithful to our spouses, sad that we have let our society become so full of adultery. I am not lecturing, I am not preaching, I am just having trouble finding faith in marriage, in the vows all married people spoke before God, in people. I have lost faith, I have lost trust in those around me.

I struggle with naivety. I think the best of people, until I am proven wrong. (When 2 people wander off together, I am not thinking about them doing anything wrong-- I am the one shocked when I find out that they did do something wrong. ) I am trying to be less naive, and trying to see the world for what it really is. But, with this comes a loss of innocence, that I am not sure I am ready to give up at even (almost) 30 years old. I want to see the good in people, I want to hope for the good in people, I want to trust, I want to have faith in promises made. I want to believe in love, I want to believe in marriage.

As a couple, Kyle and I know more married people that have been divorced than not-- and we are not that old yet. We are not even in our 30's yet. Those of you are in your 30's or almost-- and not married yet, consider yourselves lucky-- your chances of getting divorced are much lower than mine.

So, as I sit here and think about the looming doom of divorce rates-- I glance toward my husband, and I know- that I trust him, I love him, I have faith in us. We are not a number on a page, we are not a percentage point. We are Sarah and Kyle, husband and wife, mother and father of 2 beautiful children-- that's it. If the whole world crumbles around us, (which apparently 50-60% of the world is) our family will keep our eyes up, our hope alive with our hands held. It's him and I, against the world of statistics. With God, we will prevail.

For those of you who have been divorced, or are going through a divorce- my heart goes out to you. I know there is pain and hurt that I could not even fathom. I am sure it is one of the hardest things you have done. I pray for you, and your ex-spouse and any children that may be involved. I pray that you find peace and joy in 2010 and that love surrounds you and your family.

Simply Put

2009-12-30T21:06:00.000-08:00

It has been one heck of a year for us...and it is amazing to think of all the things we have been thru, or done in this past year. I don't think we could have possibly fit in anything else into 2009. It was literally, jam-packed. Although, it took us down some pretty bumpy (we're talking potholes the size of the Grand Canyon), it has also brought us to a beautiful, serene, resting spot. I could not have picked a better end to 2009.
So, here we go again.......

Every year, like people all over the world, I make a list.  For some people these lists last a week, a month or even the whole year. I have been pretty good about setting goals in the past, that I somehow manage to meet by the end of the year. Sure, sometimes my list seems a little wishy-washy. Kiss my kids every single day, say I love you to my husband every night. Easy Peasy. Every year I resolve to do more, do less, be something. This year, part of my list (the important part) has already been formed, spoken, and voiced to various people.

Because, this year I realize I do the best that I can....my kids and husband know I love them. I am a good mom, I am a good wife. This year, in 2010 I am going to do something good for me....and in turn, my family
will also be rewarded from my resolution.

My resolution is to SIMPLIFY my life.   The goal is to declutter the areas of my life that are weighing me down. This will include cutting out negative people, activities that suck the life and time away from what is important to me. I will simply eliminate things that do not add happiness to my life.

1) Simplify socially, I will facebook socialize less, and share less with people I hardly know...I will socialize less with people who are negative and filled with drama.

2) Simplify driving- I will not answer my phone while driving. Good thing Kyle drives most of the time.

3) Simplify our eating, going back to the natural, healthy, basics...(this does not mean simpler meals like Hamburger Helper, it actually means the opposite-- more from scratch, know exactly what is in your meal kind of meals)

4) Simplify my entertainment- Play more board games, play with my kids, play with my husband (don't be dirty, I was talking about the wii). Really let myself forget the complexities of life, and roll on the floor with laughter with my children, without ever letting the thought of a bill that needs to be paid or a ringing phone disturb us.

5) Simplify my liquid intake. Again, less complex drinks (wine, margaritas, beer) and more good ol' H20. I can't bring myself to getting rid of coffee--but,it really isn't all that complex, is it?

6) Simplify my closet and my makeup case.

7) Simplify my relationships with my husband and kids- No matter what, simply Love them.

8) Simplify my scrapbooking style, so that I can catch up!

The last one is not simple, but it has to be done-- I need to find out what I want to do when my kids go off to school in less than 2 years. Do I go back to get my masters? If so, in what? Do I find another job teaching? Do I change my entire career path? Do I open my own business? I have been a mommy for the past few years, I haven't put much thought into the next step for me...but, I do know that I am not the type to sit at home til the kids get home...

Oh, also...I hope to get re-engaged in 2010 ;)   Isn't that exciting!!

So, with this-- I give an eager "goodbye," to 2009, and I look excitedly ahead to 2010

Happy New Year.

See you in 2010.

Messy Love

2009-12-18T08:19:00.000-08:00

I have had pretty good luck with potty training with my first being a daughter. Then my son came--and we keep getting close, but then we slide down that slippery slope made of pullups and wipies.

2 days ago, he was quiet. Every mother of a toddler boy, knows that when it is quiet--there is something wrong. So, I called for him, and he didn't answer--then I asked if he was going, "potty," in his pants--and he said from the bathroom-- "no." But, in that shaky voice, I knew he was. I swung open the door, thinking I would find a boy standing in the diaper, not on the toilet, doing his business.

Instead, I found my sweet boy, pants off, sitting upon his potty, doing his business...in the potty, by himself, in the potty....WOOHOO! (Did I mention, in the potty?!!) He looked at me, and put his hand up, and said. "please, go now." I understood quickly, he wanted his privacy. After he was done, we threw him a little vocal praise party-- let him call grandma, the whole 9 yards.

Then yesterday, Jaxen told me he had to go potty, so he went into the bathroom and did not want my help. I let him have his privacy, thinking this was the key to the potty training for him alll along. After a little bit of time had passed, he ran to me, excitement all over his face--saying he did it- he pooped in the potty! Again, I was happy for him, and as he walked away I saw traces of his "business" on his little cheeks. Uh-oh.

I told him we needed to clean up a little, and we went to the bathroom together-- where I walked in on a very big, mess. ( I am trying not to use too many descriptive words, for fear of gagging). It was smeared on the toilet seat, and on the floor. I started to clean him up first, and as I was wiping him down-- he began to say in a soft voice, "forgive me...forgive me?" This was the first time I have ever heard him apologize in this way, and it made me smile through my frustration. I told him of course I forgave him. I explained to him that if he needed help, he needed to let mommy help him, and it was okay to ask for help. He then looked up at me, with sweet eyes, and said..."friends?" This I have heard before, and I love it when he says it, and reaches to hold my hand as he says it. I told him we would always be friends, no matter how big the mess.

And, as I went to take his hand, I said..., "Is that poop on your hand." He looked down at his right hand, and said without hesitation or embarassment, "yes." And, then he looked at his left hand, and said..."not this one." I had to laugh. He saw the positive in this stinky situation, he saw no mountain (or pile of sh*%) standing in his way , to show his mommy how much he loved her and was sorry.

How could one not learn and be humbled by this act of determination and love. My 2 year old, "terror," full of undying, unwavering, messy love---He truly amazes and inspires me.

So, yes, Alexis was easier and less messy to potty train, but Jaxen shows me how to love in the midst of any kind of CRAP.

The Cleaning Fairy makes me so Happy, I could...

2009-12-07T11:51:00.000-08:00

One evening I informed my daughter that she had to tidy up her room, before anything else the next morning. She agreed, however. the next morning she slept in...for a very long time. I thought she must be getting sick, and needed her sleep- so I let her sleep. I took the opportunity to tidy her room for her, before she awoke.

When she did wake up, she went to her room to clean it--only to find it was already clean. She ran downstairs, ecstatic that someone had cleaned her room for her. The only possibly conclusion, she could come up with is that a, "cleaning fairy" must have done it while she slept.

Being a mom, that believes in miracles-- I didn't tell her otherwise.

2 days later, my sweet 4-year old daughter was still revelling in the amazing, "cleaning fairy." She asked me that evening, if the cleaning fairy would clean her room again... Being very suspicious of this question, I went to her room--to see a very big mess. I told her that the, "cleaning fairy," may or may not come, but that maybe it would be nice to surprise her with a clean room. So, she cleaned up her room, and crawled into bed.

As we were doing our bedtime routine, we talked about our favorite part of the day, and said our prayers:
"Dear God, thanks for sending me a cleaning fairy, and please send my mom one to help clean up my dad's stuff. Amen." (oops, I guess I shouldn't complain about picking up daddy's dirty clothes anymore)

Our conversation about the fairy continued:

"Do you think God will send you a cleaning fairy, mommy?"
"Yep, I am sure whatever cleaning fairy cleaned your room, will clean my room." (sneaky, huh?)

"Do you think I will ever see the fairy in real life, mommy...or, does she only come out at night?"
hmmmm...
"Sure, sweetie, we will probably see a real fairy when we go to Disney World."
"Will we see other characters, too?"
"Yes, we will see Cinderella, Buzz Lightyear..."

My son joins the conversation
"BUZZ LIGHTYEAR???!?!?!"
"Yes, Buzz Lightyear."

"I would be so happy, so happy, I would poop."

Wait a second....

"what?"

Yep, that's what he said....

"You mean, like, you would be so happy you would poop in the potty, right?"
"right."

phew.

I can only come up with 2 reasons for this strangely funny comment from my 2 year old son. He equates mommy's happiness of him pooping in the potty, with a high level of happiness. Or, he would be so happy he would always poop in the potty--like a trade off. However that comment came to be, I will laugh about it for a long time....when he is not looking of course--- ;)

Tears

2009-11-15T21:53:00.000-08:00

Tears are a funny thing-- I can go weeks without shedding a one. But, then there are times that I can't seem to skip a day from shedding a tear or two. Tears are a cleansing way to refresh ones soul. And, I have learned that, without a soft heart, it is hard to allow yourself to succumb to the release tears can offer you.

Today, I spent my first afternoon with my son in the ER. A neighborhood puppy knocked him down, and he hit the back of his head-- and you know how those heads can bleed. He was scared, and I was scared. I cannot stand to see my babies hurting, and I cannot stand not being in control of the situation. I kept my cool, scooping him up and holding him tight--whispering softly to calm him down.

As we tried to get it cleaned up enough so we could see what kind of gash we were looking at-- emotions were running high. Jaxen was still scared, shaking and crying, Alexis was nervous and worried, and I was overwhelmed with emotion.

I wanted to hold Alexis, and comfort her as she was worried for her brother, to tell her everything would be alright. Instead I had to hold Jaxen close to me, and simply wink at her- letting her know with a simple gesture that mommy had it under control. Inside, I felt like the control I had on the situation was gaining, but the control I had on my emotions was quickly slipping.

I held Jaxen while trying to keep his head down, and let Daddy clean it-- I couldn't bare to look yet, because I am nothing short of a coward, when it comes to my children being hurt. I literally shudder, thinking about looking at it as I write this. I don't prefer looking at wounds--but, could honestly say that most wounds on other people don't phase me, but when it is your baby, everything changes.

I tried to joke and keep Jaxen's mind off of the situation--and then it started...tears. I had been keeping it together, holding it together for Alexis, for Jaxen, for Kyle, for the neighbors that came over to check on Jaxen, and for me...and then I couldn't. I didn't sob, I just allowed warm tears to fall, reminding me that it is okay to hurt for your babies.

Sure, I thought that it may scare my kids that their mommy was crying, but it is also important for them to know--that mommy doesn't always have it under control, and sometimes I am scared and worried. But, that together we can work through it--and we did. I am sure that there will be many more times that we find ourselves in the ER with our son--and there will be even more times that we have to face things together, where tears will fall. I just pray that my heart remains soft enough, to allow those tears to come.

Jaxen wound up getting his head glued back together, at the ER-- and he was a very brave boy. I was so proud of his fearlessness. I am also thankful for the concerned neighbors and a "calm," grandma on the phone. She kept me calm, (afterall, she raised a very similar boy, and is a nurse)--even though I know, after I hung up with her she probably shed a tear or two too. It's what we do.

Daddy Love

2009-11-13T06:16:00.000-08:00

I know it's important for our kids to spend quality time with both their mom and dad, but often times I am the one who gets the quality time with the kids. My DH is working and when he is at home, so is mom--so, the kids tend to cling to the one they have been with all day.

Last night, it was ladies night at one of our friends homes--so I went and stayed for a few hours, and past the kids' bedtime. Daddy was in charge for dinner, for play and for the goodnight kisses. Because I have such a great husband, I never felt guilty about not being home, or worried that he wouldn't get the, "job done."
I came home to a quiet house, and had a chance to talk to my husband before we both went to bed. He had enjoyed his evening, ordered pizza, had a tickle fight, and watched a movie with the babies.

It was not until this morning, that I realized how much the kids need and want that special daddy-time. Alexis woke up, happy to see her daddy. She woke up wanting to cuddle and read with him. She kissed him goodbye, and watched as he drove away, not able to tear her eyes away from him, for as long as she could see him. She also, hasn't stopped talking about him, since he left.

I KNEW that the time with her daddy did wonders for her soul. It did wonders for her daddy's soul too- because he wanted to sit and read with her, he wanted an extra hug goodbye, he couldn't stop telling her, how much he loved her. Don't get me wrong- they have always loved time together, and loved each other. But, somehow this quality time together, refreshed their love for each other somehow.

Love between 2 people, is like silver-- It is always silver, although without the time invested in keeping it shiny--it becomes dingy. We all are guilty of letting our love become dingy, when life gets busy. But, I am glad that it is never too hard to get back that shine. And, yes--I do believe they were both "shining" with love this morning for one another--

I am thankful to be married to a daddy who takes time for his daughter, and loves his wife and children with everything he has-because it is from her daddy, that she will learn how she should be treated one day.

Perfect for Me

2009-11-08T18:23:00.000-08:00

As our wedding anniversary and Thanksgiving approaches this month, I feel really inspired to write about my loving husband. I am a very blessed wife and mother- because of him. We have been through some very tough spots, -- but, we held out and held on to one another. We don't believe in giving up, and we don't expect that marriage is easy.

I am thankful that my husband is supportive and encouraging to me in whatever I decide to do-- he literally just wants me to be happy. He doesn't resent me for wanting to stay at home with the kids, nor does he wish it were different. He doesn't pressure me into doing what he wants, or even what he thinks is best--instead, he respects my decisions and feelings. He does not tell me what to do, who to be friends with (even after I have thrown a little bitty fit about a friend), when to cook for dinner, or how much to spend on my hair ;). He loves me and treats me with the same respect when he comes home to a perfectly clean house/grilled steak/quiet kids as he does when I have spent the day shopping and the house is a mess.

I know that this should be the norm for marriages, but it all honesty it isn't...and that is why I consider myself to be one of the "lucky" ones. After being home all day with kids, he can look at me and know that I need a mommy time-out, spent at Target. He encourages me to spend time with friends, encourages me to be a better person, and encourages me to take care of me. I am thankful every single day for a man who can be so loving and caring towards the woman who can buy every pair of shoes she comes across ;p.

I also have to mention his ability to cook a mean gourmet dinner, pick the perfect bottle of wine and do any handiwork around the house or car---he never minds watching the kids for me, or the kid of a friend who I want to spend girl-time with.

Now, all that being said--like any person, he is not perfect--so, don't read this and then go tell your own husband what he should or shouldn't be. We do argue, we do know how to push each other's buttons, and we both have our flaws---but, he is PERFECT for ME--and that is all I could ever hope for.

Happy Anniversary to my Perfect Husband-- I love you and I love the life we have created together.

Before I was a Mom

2009-10-26T14:22:00.000-07:00

I have seen many of these little, "stories," in the 4+ years that I have been a mom-- and they always have statements that ring true--but, as I was gutting a pie pumpkin this morning, I started to think of all the things that have changed with me--since I have become a mom.

Before I was a mom I wouldn't blink twice to spend $200 on a pair of jeans I wanted, but the mom I am now, prides myself on shopping for great deals, and rarely spending more than $20 on a pair of jeans for me, yet spending $200 for children's "activities."

Before I was a mom I never thought to make a pumpkin pie, and now that I am a mom--I never think about not making the pumpkin filling from scratch.

Before I was a mom, I knew who I was, but not what I was capable of.

Before I was a mom, I wanted to change the world by teaching our youth, now my own youth teach me--and I am changing their world simply by loving them.

Before I was a mom, I wanted to see the world- but now that I am a mom, I am satisfied seeing the world thru the eyes of my children.

Before I was a mom, I never fixed lunch and then forgot to eat it.

Before I was a mom, I had no idea what being selfless was.

Before I was a mom, I didn't NEED coffee.

Before I was a mom, I could sleep thru anything, and now I will wake with intuition or at the slightest hiccup.

Before I was a mom, I had my life all planned out, and now my plans are altered for what's best for my children.

Before I was a mom, I flinched at scary movies- now nothing scares me--because I have/had a toddler.

Before I was a mom, I found time to lay around- and do nothing.

Before I was a mom, I decorated my house in Americana, now I decorate my house in "kid".

Before I was a mom, snotty noses made me gag--

Before I was a mom, my heart never stopped beating in that brief instant when you turn around and your child isn't where you thought they were.

Before I was a mother, I drove fast, and lived life to the fullest--now I play it safe--not because of my future-but, because of theirs.

Before I was a mother, I dreamed of my future-- now I see my future every single day.

Before I was a mother, I never worried about what was "in" any pre-made food--now, I try to from-scratch everything.

Before I was a mother, I didn't feel the desire to document every memory, every picture- (scrapbooking)

Before I was a mother, I could clean the house and it would stay clean for longer than an hour.

However, some things never change--
I still love to shop, I still love high heels- (I actually, had a mother stop me once, wondering how I managed to hold on to a toddler and carry a baby seat, all in heels)
I will still see the world, after we see DisneyWorld.
I still have trouble sharing my Moose Tracks-- even with my kids :).
I still act silly- but sometimes those times include giggling in bed with all 4 members in our family--
I still go out for girls night, enjoy a glass of wine, and a date night.

My kids have changed me- and I like who I have become because of them. Although, they may not see the change- I hope that they will listen and believe me--as I tell them how different I was before-

For the many mothers out there, take a quick glance at how life was before kids--and tell me what has been the biggest change for you since you became a mother/grandmother/aunt?

Roll Over Beethoven

2009-10-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

I watch a sweet little infant, during the days--while I stay home with my kids. I enjoy watching him, because he is such a great little baby! I started watching him when he was 6 weeks old, and he is now about 3 months old. Before I began watching him, I knew that since he would be spending so much time with me, that he was bound to do a, "first," with me--and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle this when it came time.

Then last week, something happened--and I knew it hadn't happened at home yet. He rolled over! So exciting, but I just had this feeling that it wasn't meant for me. Afterall, I had watched my 2 babies learn to do new things--this was for his mom. So, I acted as if I didn't see anything--and waited hopefully that he would repeat it for his own mommy. A day went by, and the weekend went by...and nothing.

So, this week--he rolled for me again--and I thought okay, I will just video it. So, I got out my little camera, which I always happen to have nearby, layed him on his belly and hit record. Within seconds he rolled over. I thought that I should showcase his new talent in a fun way, as to ease the bittersweet news.

Both mom and dad were both excited about the news and even more excited to watch the video. But, I still felt a little guilty for having their moment. Is this crazy? Should I have never even told them? Please comment and let me know your opinion on this--because there will be more, "firsts."

Please take a moment and celebrate with this great little family, and watch him Roll Over --

Rockstar

2009-10-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a young girl who believed that the, "New Kids on the Block," were the best band ever--and no one could ever have been better--and noone would ever be better. Her dad tried to convince her that this was not true, and there were much bigger music artists in the world.

As this little girl grew up, her beloved band stopped being a band--and became less and less well-known. There are generations who have never even heard of this band. Ironically, this little girl became a fan of her father's bands--and would know the lyrics to their songs by heart--but, always held a special place in her heart for her first loved band.

More time passed, and this once little girl--had her own little girl. She loved her more than words could ever express-- and saw the fire in her eye that her mother had. She knew from the beginning her daughter would be a strong girl, a resilient young lady and a courageous woman one day. The mother saw it in her strong cry, her way with words, and her desire for knowledge.

The time came sooner than the mother had expected--as her daughter was only 4--and the moment was just as unexpected. As the mother stood at the stove, cooking eggs and sausage on a Tuesday morning, the daughter came to her mother to state her opinion. "Hannah Montana is a Rockstar--she is the best rockstar ever....noone will ever be as good of a rockstar as Hannah Montana."

Her mother stood in silence, trying not to laugh as she saw her own sweet daughter show the same characteristics she showed at such an early age. Of course her daughter was probably wrong, just like the mother was wrong so many years ago- Would anyone remember Hannah Montana in 10 years-- probably about as many people that remember NKOTB. But, it was not a point worth arguing.

What was important was that she saw her daughter being able to stand up for what she believed in, ...even when no one agreed. Standing up for a teen-band/singer is not life-changing by any means, but the idea of her feeling that she can state her opinions, and have them heard and respected means everything to someone learning to find their voice.

So, as my dad entertained the idea that NKOTB would be a world-known band, and even playing their music for me on weekend mornings-- I will equally entertain the idea that Hannah Montana is the BEST ROCKSTAR-- not because I believe it, but because I respect my daughter and her opinions. If playing Hannah Montana in our house will help me show my daughter that it is good to stand up for herself, give it all she's got, never give up and in short be a Rockstar of sorts--then..."It's the best of both worlds, chill out, take it slow--then you rock out the show."

PS. For the record, my father's band-- is The Beatles-- who even have their one ROCK BAND after all these years---so I think he was right. There I said it-- :)

Puppy Love

2009-10-08T07:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, I am sorry-- I haven't blogged in quite a few days--and I have a cute, little excuse--an excuse that licks and snuggles--and sometimes pees on my floor.

Yes, we got the kids their first puppy!! *pause for aww's*

We didn't really plan on this step in our life--like most of our other decisions in life ;). But, here we are, and if it turns out like the rest of our unplanned surprises--it will be a huge blessing, and make our family that much happier.

So, here's the story of how Riley joined our family:

Last weekend we went to Cedar Rapids to visit some great friends, who were celebrating the addition of new babies. We brought gifts, held, and kissed on the first baby--and then, on the way to the second baby-- Kyle looked at me, and said, "okay, we can have a baby, or we can get a dog." This was not a joke. He was serious. I had to laugh, at the simplicity of his comment, as if having a baby and getting a dog required the same steps, responsibilities or commitment.

Had we planned on having a third baby--yes and no. The idea excited us, but the reality of what a new baby brought to our family of 4, made us nervous. Afterall, we have not planned either baby to this point--we had never sat down and said--Okay, let's have a baby. So, this was new to us. We talked about it for a little bit- going back and forth. And, when I say go back and forth-- I mean I went back and forth and Kyle listened. See, I have discovered I am equally left and right brained, thus creating a constant battle within myself of logic vs. emotion. How did I discover this, you wonder? A completely accurate and highly recommended Facebook quiz! (hehe)

So, we came to the conclusion--that a new baby may or may not be for us-- but, we don't believe our family is ready at this time. I would like to have a year home with just Jaxen, when Alexis goes to school next year. I think Jaxen and I both deserve a year together, without the interruption of the dominant child :).

We also realized that we did not agree or could not even compromise on the breed of a dog. I wanted a big dog, that would scare the crap out of a possible intruder--and Kyle wanted a small, yippy dog. Okay, he didn't say yippy--but everyone knows little dogs are yippy. Great Dane vs. Yorkie-- Kyle was adamant about not having a Dane, Mastiff, Pitbull, Boxer, etc. And, I was adamant about not having a little dog. We were not meeting on any common ground. Oh well, no puppy for us.

So, we saw the babies, while Grandma and Papaw spoiled their only 2 grandchildren, (Hmmm...maybe, if our kids had cousins--I wouldn't need to have another baby). We headed home, putting the baby and dog idea out of our heads.

Sunday arrived, and I googled Pet Shelters in the area. I came across a couple, and I also saw that it was Adopt-a-Shelter-animal-month. So, we decided to take the kids to a shelter, and just take a look. We would see what they were drawn to, and teach them a lesson in responsibility by showing them what happens to animal when their owners don't take care of them.

What we didn't plan on--was falling in love with a sweet little puppy. She was cute and wrinkly, and clumsy....and she was also most likely, part Pittbull. (One of the dogs, Kyle or I didn't want). The kids walked her, she kissed the kids--and Kyle. It was love at first sight. Kyle forgot all about his anti-big dog statements and anti-pitt statements. And,-he actually fell in love with 3 dogs, all PITTS ;)--and the kids would have been happy with any or all of the animals.

So, we went for ice cream. We were going to have a family talk--but, we all knew, deep down that there was a puppy with Hamer written all over it. So, we went back--and adopted our first puppy. We followed up with an expensive trip to PetSmart, where the dog formerly known as Caramel, got her first pink collar and leash.

It took hours to decide on name that night-- Jaxen wanted to call her Buzz Lightyear or Boy, I wanted to call her Xoe. Finally, Kyle came up with Riley--and it just seemed to fit. Although, Alexis does think that her name is actually Riley Cyrus ;). LOL

So anyway, I have been busy potty training a puppy, reminding Jaxen to be gentle, along with all of my other motherly duties-- I can't say I haven't thought for a second, that maybe we weren't ready for a puppy, because I have. It is that whole equal right and left brain thing. But, then I see my kids snuggle with the puppy, or Riley get excited to see her boy--and I know that we were ready.

As for the baby thing--it could still be a possibility. We will wait and see I suppose...but, for now, my hands are full!

So, please help me welcome RILEY to our family!!

Mean Mom

2009-09-29T22:08:00.000-07:00

I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am a if not, the, "mean mom."

We live in an awesome neighborhood--and when I say awesome...I mean everyone knows everyone, and everyone is friends with everyone. It goes way beyond, borrowing a cup of sugar. And, it is not uncommon to be at the neighbors house or gathering for neighborhood get-togethers every weekend. We love it, and are lucky to have found such a great group of people to literally, surround ourselves with.

We have neighbors who love to visit with us as well as our children--and a nice mix of children in the neighborhood to keep our 2 kiddos in play-time heaven. It is when they are playing with the other neighborhood kids, I have realized that I can come across like...oh, I don't know...my own mother? My kids don't get to run to their hearts content all thru the neighborhood, they have to ask before they do anything, stay out of the street, ALWAYS use manners--you know...Be Perfect ;).

Physical limits of distance were easy to explain to the kids, although not always fun to enforce. For example, Jaxen went chasing his 2 little buddies down thru the backyards, I warned him to stop at his, "border." He stopped, and looked at me, and then looked at his friends, still running ahead--and then hung his head and started to head towards me. He was heart-broken to say the least. You could see it written all over his cute little face--and I am pretty sure he was thinking--"oh, man-I never get to do anything!" Afterall, that's what I would have said when I was age. However, he didn't throw a fit, and he listened and came back immediately. I may have been the mean mom--but, I was proud of my son, and I was keeping him safe.

My daughter knows her distance limits as well but, time limits were a little harder to explain. I know my parents, used to say--play til it gets dark, but it gets dark too late around here, and darkness is relative. So, I had to think of something else. . It seemed natural to me, that when she went to a neighbors house to play--that I set a time limit, or else she would be there ALL day!! However, since she is only 4, and we are still working on telling time, it made sense to send her with a kitchen timer. I would set it for 33 minutes-- 3 minutes for travel time, and 30 minutes to visit/play at a neighbors house.

The first time we tried this out--she went back out, with her timer in hand--looking for her friends. But, they had moved locations--so, she frantically started searching for them, asking anyone she ran into--if they had seen them. All the while, her time was ticking away and she was getting more and more frantic. No one seemed to know where they went--but everyone took note of the mean mom's timer ;). Time did run out, and we never found the other girls....so, Alexis didn't have a good first experience with the timer-but, I liked it. And, the neighbors got a good laugh!

So, the next time, I watched as she went, with timer in hand to 2 houses over. She and her brother had 30 minutes, to play at their house. Just like clockwork, when that timer went off, the both started to head home -
The timer was a SUCCESS.

Now, I have been teased a little about the timer- and I have noticed that I seem to be the only one sometimes that makes her kids follow rules, sit down to dinner, and so on. I know this is not really true, but it does feel lonely sometimes to be the, "mean mom." I have had to field a few questions of, "why can't we do this if they do this? but, so and so is allowed to..." But, they aren't anything I can't handle. I just hope the questions don't get too much harder--because I don't know how long this, "mean-mom" attitude can last-- I guess when it starts to break, I can always say...

"GO ASK YOUR DAD!"

Thanks to my parents for not letting me do EVERYTHING I wanted, even though my friends did...thanks for being tough, when you had to- to keep me safe, and make me the SWEET GIRL I was, and the MEAN MOM, I am today. I love you.

Boundaries and Limits = Love and Safety

Stain Fighter Superhero

2009-09-29T08:22:00.000-07:00

I found the time, energy and I guess the want-to to clean the carpets yesterday-- I was a little proud of myself, considering I did this with 2 toddlers and a baby underfoot. The wind was blowing yesterday, so I opened the windows--and the carpets dried super-fast.

This morning as I woke up to a chilly house, I turned on the fireplace, sat down with my coffee and thought about how clean and pretty my carpets looked. It wasn't long before mommyhood called, and I was up and doing other things--while my coffee got cold, sitting by the chair. I saw Jaxen walk towards the chair...and always being a step ahead of him, (because you have to) I said..."Jaxen, watch out for mommy's coffee." "okay, mommy." he sweetly said.

Well you know as well as I, that if you don't move the coffee out of their reach, with newly cleaned carpets--it is inevitable--the coffee spilled all over the fresh carpets. I know I said, "ugh..." as I grabbed the carpet cleaner.

Jaxen of course, said..."sorry, mommy..." and I knew he meant it. Afterall, it's no use to cry over spilled coffee.

About 10 minutes later, we sat down to watch, Diego, when a commercial came on. I heard Alexis, talking to herself out loud-- and she was saying..."hmmm...maybe, I should get that for mommy, for Christmas." I hadn't been paying attention to the commercial- so, I asked her what it was. And, with an excited, solve-all-your-problems kind of face, she told me it was a, "stain-fighter." The way she explained told me that she believed this superhero-fighter could help me with all of my little boy stains! She had come to the perfect solution, and would save her money to buy me my very own STAIN FIGHTER for Christmas.

It was this innocent idea, that lead me to start daydreaming about a real-life stain-fighter hero that could follow Jaxen around all day long! That would be nice wouldn't it? But, since I realized long ago--there are no superheroes, I guess I will stick to Resolve.

What stain-fighters do you use?

Words to Pray

2009-09-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

My sweet, son- excels in so many ways- but, sometimes cannot find the words to express where he is at, or what he wants to say. He tries desperately, to get his point across- but, sometimes becomes frustrated when I don't understand him.

I love to see him communicate, and the light shine in his eyes, when he knows that the listener has understood him! He sees the point in talking, he sees the effectiveness of words--and I couldn't be happier for him.

What I had failed to realize, as his vocabulary and speech was growing--that there was someone who could ALWAYS understand him, and know exactly what he was trying to communicate.

Jaxen has been very excited to say the dinner prayer, as we sit around the table in the evenings. He has listened to his big sister pray for months and months--and he finally wants his turn. At the beginning of August, he began by repeating a "recited" prayer. I would say a line, and he would repeat it. Although, we encourage our children to pray in their own words-- this was a way for him to not struggle with finding the words, yet feel like he was doing his part in Thanking God.

As we sat down to dinner a couple of nights ago--we were rushed with the day's activity--and Jaxen sat there, spoon propped in hand. He quietly, said..."GOD...." and when noone helped...he said, "GOD...." again. It took me just a second to realize what he was doing--he was beginning his prayer, whether we were going to remember or not. It was the sweetest thing to see him, want to Thank God, with the limited words he has. But, the awesome thing is--he didn't have to, "SPEAK," any words--God already knew his heart.

So, I chose not to give him "memorized," prayer lines that night. Instead, I let him fill in the blanks. Thank you for_______. He Thanked God that night for his mommy, and his daddy, his sissy, the food and Buzz Lightyear. Who could ask for a better, more heartfelt prayer from a 2 year old- Jaxen always knew what he was thankful for, he just didn't have the words to say it.

So, I will tonight's blog--with my thanks.
Thank you God for my sweet, precious family, and our perfect-for-us life, for granting me grace every day, for listening to me when I can't find the words. Thank you for a family and friends who show my children love, who accept me despite my flaws. Thank you for morning snuggles, just woke-up grins, butterfly and nose kisses, the opportunity to be a mother, and finally for the reminding me daily, of the important things in life.

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2009-09-28T20:25:00.001-07:00

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Wine Tasting Party

2009-09-28T18:37:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my dh and I were able to host a wine-tasting party. We had never been to one of these, or hosted one, but we were very excited. We invited, cooked/baked, dusted, and were ready to entertain.

We had every guest or couple bring a bottle of wine wrapped up, so no one could see what kind of wine it was. The table was set with tons of h'ourderves, and we began, "tasting". The types of appetizers we had available were chocolate truffles, several different types of cheese and crackers, quiche, warm crab and shrimp dip, stuffed mushrooms, veggie and Hawaiian bread dip, etc) We numbered the bottles as they came in the door--so everyone would know exactly what number they were drinking. We had a mix of reds and whites.

Since, the guests were a mixed group, some knowing little about wine and some knowing more--we decided that the score sheets would be however they could remember which bottle was the best for them. It was simply numbered 1-10, and they were allowed to write whatever they thought would help them make a decision at the end. Although, we only judged 10 wines, we drank 21 bottles or so of wine. The bottles ranged from $8-$60 a bottle.

We talked, laughed, and just enjoyed ourselves, while tasting the wines when each one of us was ready. It was not long before we had rosy cheeks and noses!! The boys kind of went their own way, and the girls theirs. At the end, it was mainly the women who voted on the best wine.

The winner of our wine contest was a wine by a local winery, Jasper Winery. It is part of their Winemaker's Series, and is called Bed Head Red. They describe it as A fun and easily drinkable sweet red wine, Bed Head Red has spicy aromas and deep fruit flavors of black cherry and wild berry, with a hint of vanilla, for $10.

It is pictured on the left hand side, with the bright blue top.

The winner received handmade truffles and wine glass charms. If you are a fan of wine, you should consider having a small get-together for a wine-tasting party. If not, at least pick up a bottle of Bed Head Red, and try a glass or two!

My son, Buzz

2009-09-21T10:24:00.001-07:00

I have my very own superhero, living in my house--sure, he isn't even 2 feet tall--but he will come to my rescue at the slightest elevation in my voice. He looks a lot like my son, but his voice is deeper, he has a button that expands his green wings, and he calls himself Buzz Lightyear. He flies through my house, only transforming back into my son, when it is time to eat.

I have used this superhero alter-ego to my advantage. I find myself saying, "well, Buzz Lightyear goes potty like a big boy....and Buzz Lightyear would eat all of his veggies..."

It is fun to see my sweet little boy, so into a character- that he won't even change out of his Buzz Lightyear pajamas. I am literally going to have to peel them off of him. Luckily, we live in a neighborhood where this type of behavior is accepted and entertained. So, I don't have to worry as he runs out the front door--still clad in his pajamas for the second day in a row--

I just yell after him, "Where are you going, bud?" and he hollers back to me, in that deep Buzz voice of his, "To infin-it-y and be-yond!" And, without a moment of hesitation--I say back to him, "okay, as long as you stay in the yard, Buzz."

Sweet Spot

2009-09-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

My kids did not have a "woobie," a "safety blanket," or anything of the sort--instead, they found the comfort and tranquility with a touch. At first came my daughter, who soothed herself with the gentle stroke of her mother's arm. I remember vividly, answering the question on a form: Does your child cling to an object when she is upset? and I literally wrote, "my arm."

This calming action, got to the point where she would be trying to fall asleep, and she would ask for, "your arm, your arm." She knew at such a small age, what it took for her to feel safe, cared for and loved.

My son, did not ever learn that the skin of my arm could offer peace, but he found his own placidity within the hollow of my neck. He found he could bury his tiny hand in between my chin and chest, letting the warmth and the thump of my heartbeat ease him into sleep.

Although, Alexis has grown out of this habit; Jaxen holds tight to the ritual. When he gets himself worked up, he knows that he needs to be held at an angle where his hand can find the valley of my neck. His hand is not as tiny, but he knows that size doesn't matter when it comes to finding a sanctuary of safety and love.

In a way, it is as if, these two very different children, were hard-wired to seek out a tangible love--one they can reach for, touch and hold in their precious little hands. How amazing is it, that with the simple allowance of a touch--that a child can find all that they are looking for in this world? With that caress of their mother's skin, they find love, understanding, grace, acceptance, a feeling of security, a feeling of importance and peace.

It saddens me to know that Alexis has outgrown, such an endearing and tender mannerism, and that it is only a matter of time before Jaxen will also outgrow his very own, distinctive touch. Will I be able to communicate the same amount of feeling, they could get from a simple touch, with words and actions? I am not sure, but I will try every single day-- and pray that they feel that peace within themselves, that I once could give, just by being their mom.

Snot-faced

2009-09-10T20:16:00.000-07:00

I have come to realize, that my son will never stay clean-faced, clean-clothed, or clean-anywhere for that matter. I have thought back upon, my new-mommy days often--remembering how over-excited I was to wipe my daughter's face/hands/chair/toys/everything every 5 seconds or so...

We kept her pretty clean most of the time, and her clothes were immaculate enough to be sold in second-hand stores--

and then there was a BOY!

Sure, some of it was also that he was the 2ND baby--and mommy was wiped out (pun intended). I could not and still canNOT keep up with the dirt this boy attracts. His face is like a magnet for dirt and grime--and his FEET--even worse! The biggest difference is, that it does not bother him in the least. His sister, always had to wash her hands and face, and still does to this day- Was that because I was a psychotic mother wiping her face every time there was a speck on it? Who knows--but, I do know that I have given up on keeping my SON clean...

I know that I am being forced to eat my words in a sense-- because, I was one of those "know-everything-about-parenting-but-have-never-really-done-it" kind of people at one time. (I know you know these type)

I stood in stores, with frazzled moms in front of me, with dirt on their children's faces, and thought-"ugh-my child will never have a dirty face like that," with my nose just slightly in the air ;).

And....now, I am that frazzled mom, trying to keep my son from climbing out of the cart, while digging for my debit card, that I swear I put in my purse--but for some reason, can only find suckers, baby wipes (unused, because my kids face is still dirty, remember?), half-eaten cookies, a shoe?....not daring to glance around me to see that snotty, little used-to-be-me, lady who is saying to herself--"my child will NEVER have a dirty face like that...."

And, do you know why-- I don't turn around to see that snotty lady, and give her a look of--"oh, honey--if you only knew..." because I am too busy looking at my snotty-faced son, wondering how long he has been holding my debit card!!

Then I remember, not even the cruelest, snottiest women in the world could scare me--because I am the mother of a TODDLER BOY!

Sweet Non-existant Sleep

2009-08-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

My DH and I have been going to bed at vastly different times lately- either I go to bed earlier or he does--but we are never on the same schedule. If I go to bed at the same time as him, and am not ready for bed yet--I lay awake thinking of all that needs to be done, and getting extremely annoyed by his snoring.

It is this difference in sleeping schedules that I have noticed that, "heading to bed," means 2 totally different things for me (the mom) than it does for him (the dad.)

When the dad heads to bed, there are very few steps before getting to the snoring part. They shut off the tv/computer, sometimes turn out the lights, do the whole bathroom routine, and then climb into bed, close their eyes...zzzzzz

For the mom, when she decides to go to bed, the list of things on her checklist are much longer--and time-consuming. She wipes down the counters, loads the last few dishes, starts the dishwasher, picks up toys as she's headed up the stairs, puts those away, sees her sweet children asleep--kisses them and tucks them in extra tight, throws a load of laundry in, goes back downstairs to make sure the garage door got shut, and the front door got locked. Then she heads back upstairs, turning off lights as she goes, to do her bathroom routine--and sees a cluttered sink. Does a quick tidy-up of the sink, while brushing her teeth, takes off her makeup- and sees clothes that she has been meaning to hang up. Hangs up the clothes, and then crawls into a bed with a snoring husband --and it is only then that she realizes the coffee she so desperately needed at 4:00, has finally kicked in. Since, she can't sleep, she tries to read a book, and finally as her eyes get droopy and she begins to drift of to sleep--only to be waken up half an hour later to her child squeezing into bed. With a hand to the face, and a twist and a turn, the child is finally comfortable, and mom can try to get some sleep again--

5 minutes later it is time to wake up :)....

This is the life of a mom- What a wonderful, blessed job-- and all mothers find out very quickly- that SLEEP is for the WEAK ;)

Moms - get some sleep!!

Dads- Stop SNORING

Laugh-a-Lot

2009-08-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

My son is rough. He likes to jump, tackle, wrestle, and pick on his older sister. I believe I will have my hands full, for the rest of my life. The thing is, though, I had a little brother also--who was very much like my son, and I was the big sister he liked to pick at.

Today, as I could see the frustration on my daughter's face, after Jaxen chased her around the kitchen--I decided to let her in on my little secret. I told her that I had a baby brother, who picked on me when I was younger--but, I learned a very good 'defense mechanism'- I learned to laugh at him- *well, for me--and my brother who was 5 years younger instead of just 2--it was honestly very funny when he would go after me...*

She looked at me puzzled, when I told her to laugh at her brother-when he pinched/poked/picked on her. I told her that by laughing, she would probably get on his nerves more than if she fought back, and she wouldn't get in trouble, but when mommy realized her brother was misbehaving-he would get into trouble. The idea seemed to sit well with her, and it didn't take long for her to give it a little try.

I heard her force a laugh, and then I saw it make Jaxen mad-- and go after her a little more-- as I watched, I began to think, that maybe this was the wrong thing to tell her. But, she hung in there laughing, and I corrected him for his behavior. This went on all day long, as I heard forced laughs, until eventually Jaxen would just give up on picking on her.

The best part of the whole plan was, that I didn't have to hear bickering, screaming, squealing--only laughing. As a mother, this is a whole lot more relaxing than the latter. Did he pick on her less? Probably not. Did she fight back? In a way, but not in a way that would get her in trouble. Will I regret this advice later in life? Maybe, or maybe not--depends on who she laughs at I guess.

Later on, she did ask me about how my little brother picked on me--and I told her a couple of stories--and she asked me if it was hard to laugh, when the things he did hurt. I told her sure, it did hurt--but, I just pretended like it didn't bother me-

Little brother, if you are reading this-- thanks for teaching me to laugh at your frustration :)-- and thanks for growing out of throwing things at me, even if you didn't grow out of picking on me....oh, and Alexis is not happy with the black eye you gave me as a kid!

Scooter Scare

2009-08-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

I have found that as a mom, there are about a million things going on in your head as you load up kids in the car. We go through a mental checklist of all the things we are supposed to remember to bring with us, while trying to lift kids into carseats, strap seatbelts around our precious cargo, remember to open the garage door, and so on.

As the kids and I were headed to the gym for mommy's workout the other day--I thought I had remembered everything- I had my cell phone, both kids belted in, shoes on everyone, the ipod all charged and ready to go, the earbuds--and the garage door open. I started to back out, and thought I heard something crunch over the sound of my 2 kids chattering. I backed up just a little more, only to hear that crunch again. Not knowing what it could be, I got out of the car only to see that my daughter's scooter had been parked directly behind the car on the other side of the garage--*my new car will have a backup camera ;).

I moved the scooter, which now had a broken plastic wheel. I held my ground as my daughter dramatically pointed out that now she didn't have a scooter and as she hopefully suggested that I could probably just fix it. (you know us, super-mom's can fix anything--and if we can't -dad can)

I already knew by looking at it for that few seconds, that it was not going to be fixed. I gave her the mommy-talk, about how she was told not to park her toys in the driveway--and that I would not be buying her another one, because she knew better. (Of course, she will be getting another one, probably at Christmas--but, for the eternity of 5 months she will hopefully learn her lesson, and not come to the conclusion that her mom is a sucker.)

Being the worrier I am, I started thinking about backing over something a million times more valuable--a child. Sure, my kids are nearly always with me, so it would likely not be me, that backs over them--but, someone not used to having kids around. I began teaching my kids to stay in the grass when ANYONE is getting in a car in a driveway, or pulling up. I have been repeating worse than a parrot, to STAY in the GRASS-- when a vehicle is moving, and I will continue to do so, and I want to urge you to remind your small children of this safety precaution. Because, all too often, adults have a million things going thru their mind, and are not paying attention to the tiny things behind their vehicle--or they simply cannot see them, until it is too late.

So, to the kids out there--STAY in the GRASS, and keep your toys parked there too, if I am driving!!

And, to the adults--Please use extra precaution when in neighborhoods with children--you never know when one will run to get their ball that rolled right behind your Expedition.

Peanuts, Get your Peanuts!!

2009-08-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

Before my husband and I had children, we decided as a couple, that when the time was right, we would teach our children the correct name for the female/male anatomy. We hadn't really thought about it as my daughter lived her 4 1/2 years of life--the topic really never came up-- "bottom" sufficed as an adequate all-around term.

But, about a week ago, there was a little confusion in her vocalizing clearly what she wanted to say. So, I took the time to introduce her to the proper name for the female anatomy--opening up a whole can of worms. "Well, then what does my brother have...?" So, I told her, and then decided, that even though Jaxen was only 2 1/2 he should also be told within the next couple of days. Because, in my mind I thought it better to come from mom or dad than to come from Big Sister.

The timing could not have been more perfect--as Jaxen came running down from upstairs, stark naked and giggling. He was running, jumping, and having a "free" time. I decided, to take him aside, and ask him if he knew what "it" was--to which he replied-- "my butt," with a devilish look in his eye. I gently told him that no, that wasn't correct, but it was called a, "penis."

His eyes lit up with this new knowledge--it was almost like seeing Helen Keller discover that water was called water, in the old movie-- I was witnessing a life-changing discovery. Jaxen spun around, smiling and continued the jumping and dancing--singing "peanuts, peanuts...peanuts, peanuts.." I giggled to myself, not bothering to correct him--because afterall, it was close enough--

As I thought about it more, I realized that I would have some heavy explaining to do at his first baseball game, when the peanut boy comes around!

Sir Robin the Brave

2009-07-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, we visited some friends who live in the country. The boy, who is a little older than Alexis, had an endless supply of nature at his fingertips. He had an aquarium full of freshly caught frogs, a flowing river in his backyard, cats chasing mice--the whole 9 yards. I could tell it was fun for my 2 kids, as I hauled them into the back of the dirt-covered Audi, with their muddy little hands and barefeet, and their insect bites welting up as they tried to keep their eyes opened.

But, my kids kept talking about the fun they had and those dang chubby frogs! They put them in the pool with them, they put them in the sandbox with them and they tried to put them at the dinner table with them. "I wish I had a frog..I wish I could go see thief frogs again..."

So, it was very exciting for Alexis and Jaxen when we found our very own little frog in the backyard of or new home. It was the smallest frog I had ever seen--I was half expecting it still to have a tadpole tail...

I got out the Mason Jar, and placed the little hopper inside. The kids named him Sir Robin the Brave, or for short, "ruvy." I told the kids to be gentle, and to keep the jar upright so that he couldn't hop out--

They played for what seemed like hours with this frog--feeding it, and taking care of it. They thought he needed oreos and homemade focaccia bread--but then again what do city frogs eat, anyway?

Well, next thing you know, the little frog isn't being as active and Alexis is concerned because he is not coming out from under the oreo--so I take the jar, and tell the kids to go find Sir Robin the Brave a friend--

It was evident that Sir Robin was no longer with us and I was not going to be the bearer of such tragic news--so I handed the jar to daddy. He disposed of the froggy--and when asked--said that the froggy had gotten out of the jar. And, he had- with a little help. Crisis averted.

Luckily, we have not found any other frogs yet, and if we do, I hope they are healthy, fat frogs that like oreos, focaccia and little hands!

New Home

2009-07-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

We have recently purchased a home in a small suburb of Des Moines--and are very happy with our choice, and very tired from the move--which is why I haven't written in a while.

As we have come to know our neighbors, we realize we fit in with this neighborhood beautifully and we can see our children growing up here- We have met almost all of our nearby neighbors, and have been warm welcomed by all. They BBQ together, keep an eye on each others dogs, they even build fences together. The point is--it is a very small town feel, where everyone knows everyone, but close to the amenities that I can't seem to live without--STARBUCKS, TARGET and the MALL.

Our kids have already become very friendly with the neighborhood kids, and Jaxen has been dubbed, "Action Jackson," --who would've guessed right? Alexis has memorized the address, and tells everyone she meets--so I keep waiting for the hyvee checker to come knocking on my door with something I have forgotten in my scramble to grocery shop with 2 kids!

I am excited to be content in our home, in our neighborhood, with the schools, with the people- Now, on to the "messy" stuff like painting rooms and finishing basements ;)

In-Between

2009-06-23T11:08:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find yourself balancing between young and old--not sure where you are going to fall--but, just hoping you land there gracefully. I find myself teetering on this very edge quite often--knowing I should not be shopping in the juniors section, but still proud that I can fit into the clothes in the junior section.

I am not saying I buy sweats with, "juicy" written on my behind--or too-tight shirts that say, "for a good time..." Because, let's face it--I have had my good time--at least 2 times :).But, I can save money shopping in the teeny-bopper section, and I love to save money almost as much as I do spending it!

However, I have noticed as of late, that my shorts, skirts and dresses are getting longer, they are not looking like the "mom-shorts' yet--but, how long do I have before they do? I admit I get a little nervous as I sit at the park watching my kids play and noticing all the other mothers in "mom-clothes." I am wearing a cute sundress and sandals--while everyone else seems to be wearing baggy t-shirts and capris with some old tennies. Am I the crazy one? Or, am I 2 childhood events away from being them?

I am fighting the mom-look, but I know it's a losing battle- so I will fight with my head held high by working out more and letting my hair grow long for probably the last time-- and I will surrender to a few small battles--taking a spin around the (gasp) women's section, and I will pull out a couple of t-shirts that have been retired to my, "pajama pile."

This mom---somewhere in-between mom-jeans and "juicy" pants!

Brotherly Love

2009-06-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

Alexis loves her baby brother. She may not show it all of the time, but she has a deep love for him that never wavers. She tries to look out for him, she plays endlessly with him, she lets him pretend-rescue her, and she shares with him. What I love most about her relationship with him, is that she is always thinking of him. When we leave to go somewhere, she thinks to pack her little-bitty purse with a pull up and a couple of wipes and a buzz lightyear, "just-in-case." :)

Although, she can become frustrated with him--when he mimics her words or actions, or doesn't give her the center stage like she wants--she always seems to remember her love for him, when he falls fast asleep.

When he is asleep, is when she likes to snuggle with him, hold his hand, put her arm around him and kiss his forehead. I am not certain she is not trying to wake him up, so she can play with him--only to be annoyed with him within minutes--but, for now I will assume the best.

About a week ago, Jaxen was snoozing away, when Alexis decided to whisper to me, "one day I am going to marry Jaxen, because I love him so much." I tried to explain that I am glad she loves him, but she cannot marry her brother--that's the rule. ;). Well, she did not like this at all--it seemed as if her heart literally broke. With a sad face, she sat beside her sleeping brother, when I heard her whisper, "I am sorry Jaxen, mommy says I can't marry you--but, you will always be the one I love."

As I watched this miniature drama unfold, I thought about her limited understanding on society, and her unlimited love for her baby brother. If we as a society could show as much love as a child shows--would we be a better place, or would we all be married to our siblings?

Amen!

2009-06-20T23:13:00.001-07:00

My dear Alexis loves to talk to God. She talks to him like she is talking to a parent or a friend. I think this is wonderful, because it is how I want her to pray. I have never really taught her a memorized prayer to say at bedtime or at meals. I encourage her to use her own words to thank, ask for blessing, or express concern to God. I think this is because I am a firm believer in saying what you mean, and not saying just because it is expected of you.

There is one little problem, if you could call it that, with these from the heart prayers--My daughter LOVES to talk and hear herself talk. So, her bedtime and meal prayers can sometimes get pretty lengthy. I enjoy every moment of them mostly--unless I have let myself feel rushed from the day to day stresses in life. I almost always smile, or hide a chuckle at some of the things she prays--and I almost always peek at her little brother, while she is praying. (I know God will forgive me for this, because he knows moms need an eye on their children at all times.)

Jaxen, the sweet brother, tries very hard to participate willingly during Alexis' talks with God. He squeezes his eyes shut as tight as he can, he haphazardly folds his hands together, and he balances his butt on his folded up legs. He does not usually have a lot of things to say at prayer time--and when he gets impatient--he sneaks food when he thinks noone is looking.

It was one evening, at dinnertime, when Jaxen was trying his best to get through a lengthy prayer, while his dinner was staring him in the face. He listened for Alexis' words to slow, and come to a halt--but, there were only short pauses in her prayer. Jaxen not wanting to eat before the prayer had ended, listened for those pauses--and at each pause, he quickly butted in with an eager, "Amen."

He had learned that a simple word, was the key that unlocked the feeding frenzy. Alexis being annoyed by his impatience prayed louder and longer--and Jaxen never missing a beat continued to say, "Amen," at every hesitation in her words.

This time mommy could not hide a chuckle, but began to laugh out loud--because it was FUNNY--and I know God loves to hear us laugh! My beautiful gift from God, my 2 children, were doing exactly as I wanted them to do---Alexis was praying in her own words, and Jaxen was being respectful and as patient as he possibly could be---or as anyone possibly could be!

High-Tech Marriage

2009-06-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

A fellow blogger reminded me of this story--It has been told several times over the past 4 years....but it's one of those stories that gets better with time, much like wine-(after 2 kids, anything can remind you of wine)

Anyway, right after my daughter was born- my husband's family called to check in--and I took the call, on my husband's "fancy" palm phone. If you know my husband, you know he LOVES gadgets--the newer and more technologically advanced, the better! I handed the brand new baby to the huz and took the phone and the free moment to go pee.

I am talking and peeing-(rude to some, but to mothers it's a must, because there just isn't enough time). And, as I turn around to flush, the 'slicker than slick' phone slipped out of my hand and plopped into the potty! I saw it fall in slow-motion and I froze. I couldn't flush--all I could do was just stare at this high-tech phone floating in my very own urine. I was not about to fish it out without gloves--afterall, I had to hold a baby in a few short minutes.

So, I frantically looked around, to see what I could use to fish the phone out--when I heard a voice--"Hello? Hello?" coming from the toilet~ the phone was still WORKING?!?!?! I guess it was high tech, indeed. I fished it out, with a toilet brush and rinsed it off lightly with tap water- I then held it far away from my face, and finished up the conversation. As I hung up, I realized the screen was pitch black and could only mean one thing--I for sure broke it...

What was I going to do? I decided I would have to tell my husband that I dropped his practically new and practically worshipped, phone in the potty at some point--but not now. I threw it on the bed, and went about the night.

Later on I heard the huz asking for the phone, and without thinking, I told him it was on the bed--He found it, and said..."hmmm...it seems like it's a little wet." I chickened out--and said..."hmmm.." I just wanted to go to sleep, and take care of everything in the morning.

Then he starts investigating it a little bit closer, and thinks there is water behind the screen--and decides to be Mr. Fix-it, even though I am encouraging him to just go to bed.(moral of the story for you men out there: listen to your wives)

As I pull my pajama top over my head, I look up to see my husband with his mouth over the end of the phone--trying to suck the liquid (you know what that liquid is!) out of the phone. Now, what person would think this was a good way to fix the phone, I have no idea--because it would have never crossed my mind. I panic--because, if I couldn't tell him before that I dropped it in the toilet, I sure as heck couldn't tell him now--because he is SUCKING my PEE out of his expensive PHONE!!!

I beg him to stop, and put it aside--and tell him it may dry overnight. When the next morning comes, I decide he has to know--because it is driving him crazy-- So, I find the perfect time to tell him--while I am nursing his precious, little, baby girl. :) I calmly tell him, not sure what his response is going to be--because this is our first "honey, I messed up big time," incident. He stares at me intently listening to what I have to say--and then he looks puzzled. It is quiet for a minute, and all you can hear is the baby sucking--which must remind my husband of something very familiar--and he says what I have been dreading him to say--

"You mean, I sucked your pee out of my phone?!" I timidly affirm his suspicions--and he does not yell, he does not even make an angry face at me--he half-smiles and tries his best to see the humor in the situation- and that's when I realize--

I have chosen the right man to raise my kids with--and if we can get through a little phone pee, we can get through anything.

I have friends to this day, that swear that if it had been them, they would have filed for divorce--or at least puked--Thank goodness I have a man with a strong stomach and an even stronger heart....
"

Boys will be Buzz

2009-06-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

Boys are different--it's true. I can handle girl things, and even the boyish things girls can get into--* bugs, a little dirt, sports But, what I was not at all prepared for was such a BOY!

My son challenges me in the best ways though--He loves superheroes, wrestling, climbing, AND stunning people (buzz lightyear style) I say stun because we don't allow the words shoot, kill, gun, and so forth. Stunning consists of him crouching down, putting his right arm straight out with a fist, and holding it up with his left arm, aiming at the soon-to-be-stunned. He stuns everyone, especially if he is not particularly happy with what you are doing...His family knows what he is doing, and will even stun him back or pretend to be stunned. It's the strangers he stuns that may get me into a bind one day. Stunning other people's kids in shopping carts in target isn't doing much for my, "good-mommy look." Luckily, most people have no idea what he is doing--and I am hoping that they are assuming the best when they see him make these curious movements and sometimes sounds.

As we rode our bikes today, I wonder what the drivers passing by were thinking as my son stunned each car--Were they thinking, "aw...what a cute lil guy..." or were they thinking, "my word, look at what that mother is teaching her son!" In any case, I didn't care for much longer than 2 seconds--I was just grateful my son was not jumping into traffic-frogger style, throwing rocks and sand in the pool, pinching his sister, climbing up something-anything he can find and jumping off, or running around naked. I could breathe a sigh of relief.....because he was just stunning strangers---

10 reasons I am/look CrAzY (and why it's okay)

2009-06-16T21:21:00.000-07:00

1. My son has found it necessary to take 3 pacifiers with him wherever he goes--one in his mouth, one in each hand. (training him for college ;))

2. My son also thinks its necessary to wear a life jacket, while mommy runs errands. (practicing safety first)

3. My daughter loves to wear 20 barrettes of different sorts, clamping her hair in different directions, or just clamping on objects to her hair (short pieces of ribbon, dead dandelions, etc) (creativity)

4. My daughter introduces her parents to everyone she sees as soon as she sees them... "hi, my name is Alexis, this is my mom, Sarah and this is my dad, Kyle. (making friends/communication)

5. My daughter told a group of strangers that her mom likes to put leaves in her panties.... ?? (imagination)

6. Both children frequently put their shoes on the wrong feet, and I don't stop them. (independence)

7. I refuse to give up my cute shoes, even though I could easily break my neck once a day chasing after my son. (because they are cute)

8. I push my sunglasses on my head, and let it be my summer hairdo. (one less thing to do)

9. I wear sundresses frequently, even though both kids or the wind will manage to put me in a blush-worthy predicament. (I always catch it just in time)

10. I have my hands full of kids--and more babies always sound like a lovely idea-- (I have enough sanity remaining, to reason myself out of this one for now.)

Treat Yourself as you Treat your Children

2009-06-08T11:44:00.001-07:00

I am not one to take precautionary steps for my health, or well-being. I rarely wear sunscreen, and if I do I only spray it on my shoulders--and I rarely look at the ingredients on things I choose to eat or drink (wine and lattes are healthy, right?). I stay up late, skip doctors appointments, and drive fast when I am alone. I live life thinking that I am indestructible, that I can handle anything that life throws my way, without any help....afterall, I am a MOM.

This theory of mine was severely tested 2 days ago, after taking the kids to the park and splashpad. They played, and I tried to read a little. But, who really reads at the park, while trying to keep one eye on one kid and the other eye on the other kid---? The gnats were horrible, and driving me crazy--so I convinced A & J to run to the nearest store to buy some insect repellent. I bought the "Family" bottle, meaning family friendly, not family-sized. We headed back to the park, and the kids ran to play and mommy sprayed herself with the insect-repellent. I did not spray the kids for 2 reasons: a: they are running too fast for the gnats to bother them b: who knows what's in this stuff anyway? The spray did little to keep the gnats away--so we left soon after.

The day goes on: we play, we eat, we bathe, we read...and we go to bed. About 1:00 am I started itching uncontrollably....and everywhere! I itched between my toes all the way up to my chin. I got so tired of scratching, I decided to get up, licked my lips, which felt really dry only to think..."that felt funny." I got to the bathroom, looked in the mirror to see lips Angelina Jolie would be envious of. I knew immediately, that it was the insect repellant. Hives, more itching, swelling of my hands, and 1 box of Benadryl later, I think I got it out of my system---swearing to NEVER allow any similar chemical to touch my kids... Had I just taken care of myself, the way I take care of them...there would have been no problem.

It was only after this "episode" that I realized I am not indestructible...I do need to take care of myself the way I take care of my kids...so that I can be there for them. All you moms need to remember how important we are in the equation of our children!

Grace at Target

2009-02-10T07:49:00.000-08:00

Soaking in a bath may not be relaxing for me--but, there is one place I can go, and clear my head.

My mind begins to rest, my body becomes new, I find comfort and relaxation at Target. Yes, I know that might sound funny to you--but, for me it is like a mini-vacation. I go with a latte in hand, and stroll through the aisles perusing clearance rack after clearance rack. There are no worries, my cell phone does not work inside target, and I rejoice in the discovery of an amazing, "deal."

My husband supports me in this, "getaway." He comes home, and knows by the look on my face--if it has been one of those--"I need to go to Target," kind of days.

On rare occasions, we go as a family to Target. Although, these types of trips are not as relaxing and can create even more stress--I still enjoy the possibility of finding a good deal ;). We still make a stop at Starbucks before commencing with the shopping- I grab a grande latte, Kyle grabs a Dr. Pepper and the kids get a vanilla milk. This has been our Target tradition for years.

It was on one of these family trips, a few weeks ago, that the girls separated from the boys, to look at clothes. As we were searching for something that caught our eye, another mother and daughter were also bargain-shopping. The mother looked slightly frazzled, as her daughter of about 5 or 6 years, tried her best to drive her crazy. I could tell this is what she was doing, because she was whining and moaning. She must have said, "mooooooommmmmmmmmm" at least 100x as we stood near one another. Even as we walked away, we could still hear her ear-piercing wails.

As Alexis stared at this little girl, and I thought I would take the opportunity to explain that this would not be acceptable behavior for herself. I wanted Alexis to hear how silly, and annoying this other little girl sounded. Alexis agreed that the other little girl was being disrespectful and annoying.

Just as I was feeling good about curtailing a future, "target-scene," the little girl and her mother came close to us again. Alexis took this opportunity to speak to the frazzled woman. "Is that your daughter?" As I heard Alexis ask this question, I threw out a prayer, a wish and crossed my fingers that my very vocal daughter would not tell this woman how disrespectful and annoying her daughter was being.

"Yes, that is my daughter- she is not having a very good day."

I held my breath.

"That's okay, we all have those days." Alexis replied.

Sigh of relief.

Wow--had my daughter just shown more wisdom and grace than I in this other little girl's behavior. Had she just made the mother feel better about her whining daughter? How could it be possible for someone so small to show so much love and grace?

And, then I remembered-- Alexis was born out of grace- She reminds me every day that even when we make mistakes, God still loves us and covers us in his grace. Some may have looked upon Alexis' conception as a mistake, but- God took that, "mistake," and made something beautiful out of it.

I pray that I can show as much grace as my 3-year-old daughter. She is quick to forgive, full of understanding and over-flowing with compassion--much like our heavenly father. May I encourage these traits in her, because as a whole we could all use a little more grace.

Cookies and Honey

2009-02-06T12:36:00.001-08:00

Our kids have not always been great about going to bed on their own--and I will take full responsibility for their inability to do so. I love to be close to them, snuggle in with them, breathe in their baby scent-- I also know that these days will pass me very quickly, and I will look back wishing I could hold them close.

With much persistence, my husband and I were able to wean them off of mommy, and get them to not only sleep by themselves, but fall asleep by themselves. I know for many of you, this sounds like it would be the easiest thing in the world to do--but, that was not the case for us. We have gotten into a good bedtime routine--and we always expect there to be a little giggling or talking after lights are out. We even accept the fact that sometimes there will be pitter-patter of little feet tip-toeing down the hall to get a drink from the bathroom. There is no action that can not be squelched by a booming, "Get in Bed." from daddy...or so, we thought.

Last night, we put the kids to bed--we heard some giggling, we heard some chatter--we even heard a few pitter-patters. After the usual time we allow for these types of things--my husband went upstairs to check on the kids. When he went upstairs, he did not see them in bed, or in the hall--or anywhere for that matter. He then heard them coming back up the back-stairs. Alexis was dressed in dress-up clothes and they both started running towards their bed--dad close behind.

It was then, that daddy saw what they had been sneaking down the stairs for---foraging. They had brought all of the cookies, that were baked earlier in the night-- upstairs into their bed, along with a jar of honey. The cookies were not in a container of any sort, they had been cooling on a rack--so, the 2 kids had to bring the cookies up by the handfuls...which meant they had gone up and done a couple of times at least.

Daddy was very frustrated with their sneakiness. I on the other hand, was trying not to laugh. Yes, I was frustrated--but, not so much that I couldn't see the humor in the situation. I think that is why God gives us 2 parents--because we each are able to see the humor in different situations--and with any luck, one of us will be able to keep a level head, and laughing heart ;).

Today, I am thankful for a partner in parenting--because I know that is not the norm in this day and age-- I am thankful to have someone to help me see the light at the end of the tunnel, be grateful for today's stress, and to show me the hidden humor--and most importantly, to laugh right along side me. Thank you, Kyle.

Don't grow up yet

2009-02-03T11:19:00.001-08:00

My sweet daughter- wants to grow up so very badly. She is only 3 1/2 and she is already planning and plotting out what she will do when she, 'gets bigger'. She is counting down the days til her 4th birthday, the day we let her pierce her ears, drive a car, wear makeup, be a mommy--

I checked in on Alexis yesterday afternoon, after things had been quiet for just a little too long. As I rounded the curve of the staircase, I saw her sitting on the top step, with her pink organza dress piled all around her. She looked like an angel, and more importantly, she looked like my sweet and innocent little girl. The one I dreamed about, before she was ever conceived. However, I must have awaken before the next part in the dream--

My sweet, little girl looked up at me--and I saw these bright blue eyes shining through, what looked like a soot-covered face with bright salmon-colored lips. I am sure I stood there in shock for a good minute, before I said anything...

"What did you do?" I asked, still stunned at the scene in front of me.
"I was trying to look beautiful, like you mommy." she responded with whole-hearted sincerity.

At this point, I didn't know if she was playing the "compliment-card" that I didn't know she knew how to use yet, or if I really did look like a, "hot-mess" when I, "got beautiful."

I asked her to look at her goth-like face in the mirror...and tell me if she thought she looked beautiful. I honestly thought she would say, "yes."

Instead she said, "no--it looks like a mess."

Good--I haven't completely failed her, as a mother and the first makeup tutor she will have.

As, I tried gently to rid her face of all of the dark colors--I got a glimpse into our future-- Of a 16 year old ( I pray it holds off that long) trying to find herself and experimenting with beauty and all of its forms.

I sat on the edge of the bathtub, with a makeup remover cloth in one hand, and as I started to see her smooth, ivory skin shining through--I looked deep into her eyes an I told her how beautiful she was--that makeup could never make her any more beautiful than she already is. As I spoke these words, that I didn't imagine speaking to my daughter for a few more years--a twinge of pain must have come across my face--as my heart wrenched. My little girl was trying to grow up, right before my eyes--and way before I am ready.

I know it is impossible to keep our children, babies. To keep them naive, protected and in the little bubble we have created for them--seems futile. Nonetheless, I cannot quench the desire to freeze Alexis and Jaxen in their youth.

It is not that I don't want Alexis to get her ears pierced, or that I don't want to see her wear make-up, or drive a car (well, maybe not that). It is that I have looked forward for so long to have her in my life--and to be the "mommy." I don't want it to fly by, I just want to sit back and enjoy it. And, I do want to desperately protect from the outside, cruel world--that encourages her to judge her beauty on how much make-up she wears, what clothes she wears, how thin she is--etc.

As, I lose myself in the fear of the future--I am quickly taken back--way back to my own childhood. How my parents must have felt the same helplessness in my own desire to grow up too quickly. I was more than excited to use nail polish and make-up and dress in fancy dresses--and it didn't end there-- I wore make-up before it was allowed, and am pretty sure that there were times when I looked more like a "mess" than "beautiful."

So, today--and everyday I will pray that I can somehow keep my children young--and that my daughter does not try to grow up as quickly as I did.

Bath Salts

2009-01-18T19:22:00.000-08:00

Alexis made her mommy some bath salts, (well I helped, it was an arts and crafts project). The point was that she made them especially for me. So, every time I went to take a shower--Alexis eagerly asked if I was going to be using my special bath salts...

So, finally I decided to draw a bath, and use these special bath salts-- I ran the water, lit the candles, dimmed the lights and sprinkled in the bath salts. I touched the tip of my toes into the water--it felt perfect. I put both feet in, and started to sit---WHOA!! It was way too hot, and I like hot water--I think I scalded myself. I climbed out, turned on the cold water and began swirling the water, in an attempt to eliminate, "hot spots."

After standing naked, in front of my lace covered windows, I decided I better get in whether the water was too hot or not. I slowly lowered myself into the water, allowing time for my skin and body to acclimate to the temperature. This 30 second process, seemed like an eternity.

After my body was immersed, minus my head of course--I glanced around-- and then I thought, "What am I supposed to be doing, exactly?" I know that a bath is supposed to be relaxing, but I am more of a multi-tasker-- Maybe I should have brought in the laptop or the cell phone to catch up with an old friend, or better yet facebook.

Unfortunately, I have very bad experiences with electronics and water--even in small doses. I have ruined at least 6 phones with water damage- (toilet, bath tub, hot tub, drool). So, electronics were out of the question. I glanced around again, hoping that the relaxing feeling would set in--it didn't. I am sure my impatience did not help matters.

There isn't too much to look at in my bathroom-- a floor that needs scrubbed, a sink with toothpaste glued to the front that needs cleaned, towels that could be re-folded to look nicer--But, I can't do those things and sit in the bath tub, relaxing. So, I tried to keep my focus on what was in the bathtub.

I tried to breathe in the essence of the bath salts, and allow the calming and soothing effects take hold of my muscles--when I noticed my toenails needed painted--and that I should have stuck to those morning runs, and fit in a few more sit ups, and that I should have shaved my legs this morning, and wondering how I could erase the traces of pregnancy left behind. Pretty soon my mind was filled with a to-do cleaning list, and a big blow to my self-confidence.

How does anyone think that taking a bath is relaxing and good for the soul? I climbed out and hurriedly draped a towel over my body--and breathed a sigh of relief--relieved to not have to look at, "me" any longer and relieved to be able to get something accomplished.

With this dreadful experience, I reaffirmed that I am not a bath person-- I am a multi-tasker, I need to have at least 2 things on my plate at a time, if not more. I thrive in those full-plate situations. I learned that I am not as confident as people think I am with my body, with my housekeeping, with my mothering, with anything. I do not like to sit still and quiet long enough to realize my downfalls-especially when they are staring me back in the face.

So, as nice as bath salts may smell and be --I will save them for another time in my life. I am not sure when, but I hope that one day I can lay in my bathtub, see toothpaste on the sink, and a soft abdomen and be perfectly okay with it.

Ford tough

2009-01-12T11:00:00.000-08:00

I always thought Jaxen was a "rough and tumble," "all-boy," kind of kid. He is build Ford tough-- or something like that. He is solid, he is strong, and he can be rough. I think that is one of my favorite things about him--A rough lil guy w/ a soft, sweet side.

I guess, I just never knew HOW masculine he was--until this past 24 hours. We had a "play-date," with a boy about 1/2 year older than Jaxen. We had never met this boy before, so as I talked to his mother on the phone--I tried to get a feel for what this little boy enjoyed--since he would be staying quite awhile with us. Knowing my son--and other boys his age-- I asked her if her son was, a "rough and tumble," kind of kid... Her response? "hmm..not really." I thought that maybe she just didn't realize he was rough and tumble, considering he was the only child--no frame of reference.

The next day, the mom and boy came over-- The boys were filled with excitement to see one another-- a kid, "just their size." (well almost, Jaxen was considerably bigger) They began to play--The, 'friend' wanted to play a quiet, calm game of blocks or dinosaurs--which sounded good to me...

...but, my son, with all of his pent-up boyhood from being stuck in w/ girls all day--didn't want anything to do with quiet or calm. He would play dinosaurs--but roaring, chasing dinosaurs--scaring his poor friend. When that wasn't a hit, Jaxen was sure wrestling would be a good choice. He tried to tumble with his friend, laughing and throwing his weight around a little-

Uh-oh. The friend did not like this at all...he enjoyed his personal space. So, our play date consisted of me trying in every way to explain to Jaxen, to respect personal space, not to play rough with his new playmate, and to try not to scare him. These are things that are important to learn, but I am not sure they will be learned very quickly.

For now, Alexis will put up with Jaxen's wrestling, mommy roars with him, and daddy gets a kick out of his "rough" behavior--because he sees athletic ability in it.

Now for those of you reading this, thinking to yourself: "he acts that way, because that is what you have encouraged and taught him...boys aren't born rough & tumble" I would kindly like to squash that idea--I believe not all boys are born like that, but I also believe some are--

However, Jaxen has been surrounded by princesses, dolls, jewelry, makeup, and girls for most of his life. He has had his toenails painted, because he has wanted them painted--he has worn his momma's jewelry and shoes, he has his very own baby dolls, and he doesn't mind putting Cinderella to sleep when she is tired. You will find his mom playing educational word games with him, way before you find her wrestling him--you will find him cooking and baking in the kitchen on a regular basis, and playing whatever, "princess" game Alexis has concocted. So, it is with those examples, I can say beyond a shadow of doubt--this "rough-housing" is innate for him. Which is why he was ecstatic to see someone to share this natural desire with him---

So, if you know of any boys or girls that can hang in there with the "tough guy," let me know--so we can let them play :D

Dinosaurs

2009-01-08T14:07:00.000-08:00

Alexis has always loved music--and she tends to be attracted to upbeat, hip-hop type of music. For those of you who were around before she could talk--(did she ever not talk?) you will remember her bouncing to the naughty ringer on mommy's phone--"My Humps." It was all in good fun then--knowing full and well she was only being influenced by the beat, not the words.

Her love of music grew, as she was introduced to more and more genres and songs. She began to really listen to the words, and pick up on entire lyrics to songs. We had to be careful now, to what music we surrounded her with. We could not have our daughter, asking questions about humps, or lumps or any other dirty thing--because, what would we say?? Half of the adults in this country couldn't tell you what the average hip-hop song means ;). (proof of this: I looked up the lyrics to the song by Missy Elliot, "Work It," and she literally has made-up words in it--)

Even as we tried to protect her innocent ears and mind--Christmas time brought, "All I Want for Christmas is You," and boy did she love that song. It was with that song that brought, Alexis' new singing voice. Now, when she sings, she doesn't pronounce her words like normal--instead she slurs the end of the word like a rock-star might. Secretly, this drives me crazy--I need correct pronunciation in my world. Anyone who knows me well, will vouch for me on this one--and will probably have a story about what word I corrected them on, and how I went on and on about why it is pronounced in that way---

After, Alexis and Jaxen went to bed--Mommy and Daddy had time for an adult movie (not the dirty kind)...so Kyle reluctantly agreed to HouseBunny. It was a cute movie, with catchy songs--one of which must have seeped up the stairs, into Alexis' bedroom and into the portion of her brain that stores songs and music. Because, sure enough-the next day she was singing, Katharine McPhee's, "I Know What Boys Like."

Luckily, that was the only line of the song she knew--but, puzzled by how she can add songs to her music vocabulary, apparently by osmosis--I asked her--, "Alexis, what do boys like?"

With her sweet, smarter beyond her years, blue eyes--she looked up at me--and without even a second of a pause, stated, "Dinosaurs."

Boys like dinosaurs--why on Earth would I think they would like any other thing? So, all along in my 28 years of trying to figure out boys, guys, husbands--my 3 year old had the answer. Dinosaurs. They like big, toothy, monsters that stomp, fly, eat, fight and roar. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Sneaky Lil Guy

2009-01-07T21:30:00.000-08:00

My sweet Jaxen is full of life, full of energy and full of love. He has been sneakily creeping out of bed, after his sister is asleep. He sits at the top of the stairs for a few minutes, being as quiet as a mouse--(at least he thinks so). But, mom & dad know that he is there, by a creak in a floorboard, or a scuffle of a jammie foot. We glance at each other and then up at him, both trying to put our stern faces on.

As we look up in our sweet son's direction, our eyes meet--and Jaxen smiles the biggest smile, and you can practically see his eyes sparkle in the dark. Of course, not in a creepy way--they aren't glowing ;). He then waves to us, like he hasn't seen us in ages. With that smile and that happy wave, mom and dad's sternness fades away abruptly. How can you not smile back at someone so glowing and filled with joy just to see your face.

He creeps down the stairs, cute and coy--and grinning, he climbs up in mommy's arms. He snuggles, he hugs, he wraps his arms around me and rests his head upon my chest--and there is not even an ounce of power within me to turn him away. Instead, I enjoy this bonding time with my son, and know that it is important for him and for me.

There are no interruptions of laundry, or meals to be fixed, and most of all there is not another sibling vying for mom and dad's attention. Jaxen sits quietly, and just loves and soaks up his mommy's love.

Tonight, while he spent his mommy bonding time downstairs, he bumped his little finger, and needed a kiss. He held his finger up to me and I kissed it. He then realized, he needed more kisses, on each of his fingers--because one kiss on one finger, was clearly not enough. I kissed each finger, I kissed each wrist, I kissed each palm--until Jaxen was finally satisfied.

As, I sat there looking at him--I wondered how often do I zoom through the busy work of life, that I forget to sit and give Jaxen the endless kisses on his fingers? One day he won't want kisses on his fingers, well not from me anyway--and on that day my heart will break just a little.

May I cherish each moment that I can steal away to truly love my children. If that means the laundry piles up, the dishes sit, the dust settles, and someone misses their bedtime--then Let it Be, because I know these are moments I will never regret spending with my babies.

Thoughtfulness Thought Provoking

2008-12-29T13:50:00.000-08:00

I am not sure what it is about this year, that has made me desire thoughtfulness so much. It may be the years I see flying past me, my babies growing way too fast, my loved ones aging, the dividing of my grandmother's belongings, or the state of our economy.

I do know that this holiday season, I wanted to truly take the time and effort to genuinely think about those I loved. To give them a gift of my thoughts, so to speak--not written out, but a token to represent my love and thoughtfulness about them. I did not want to give them something necessarily useful, or valuable in the essence of money--but something to cherish and something much more valuable to that person.

Some people think that is a way to get out of "spending money"-- but, in all honesty I spent just as much, if not more money in developing the thoughtful gifts.

I wanted to give gifts to pass on thru generations, gifts w/ a story behind them, gifts that will want to be kept when the loved one has passed and their items will be divided up among the living. Something that brings a smile, a tear, a story to mind--something worth sharing and something worth giving.

For instance, my little brother, freshly home from Iraq/Germany brought my mom a beautiful cuckoo clock from Germany--b/c she had always expressed she would love one--this is something one passes on for generations--her mother had always had them, and now she could have one to pass on to Adam and his family one day. The gift was not about how much it cost, although it was not cheap by any means--but, it was about the thought behind the gift.

I gave various things, but among them, my favorite gift, was the cheapest, I gave him a book to write his recipes in--b/c I know and support his desire to share his wonderful recipes w/ others one day.

Kyle also received a set of small bowls from my parents, that were not on a list of any sort--but, communicated to him--"I listened to you, I remembered, and I thought of you when I saw these."

There are other examples of course--but, my concern is: has the rest of the world lost this spirit of giving--the kind of giving that takes more than a wallet filled with money-- the kind of giving that takes heart.

Has it really come down to just checking off what is on someones list?

I look at the "things" I have acquired over the years--and the things I will pass down for generations--will be the things that cost little, but have so much meaning. I can't tell you how many times I looked at the stockings hung on our fireplace this year, and thought about how many years they will be w/me...and how many years they will be w/ my kids--

They were handmade by my mom and I, last year--they are small, a little crooked, and I would never, EVER use a store bought one--for the rest of my years.

I hope that others received or gave something of this magnitude this Christmas--

If you did--please comment below

Joy to the World--means to THE WORLD, not just OUR world

2008-12-19T09:04:00.001-08:00

I make many mistakes as a mother--but, there are traits that I really try to emphasize with Alexis and Jaxen that will hopefully make them, loving individuals that will change this world for the better.

One of these traits, is a giving spirit. Each year, I have helped Alexis go through her toys and clothes and give them to someone in need, at Christmas time. We don't take them to goodwill, we find a family that is in need and Alexis takes part in the "gifting." This giving spirit of hers is developing and changing all the time. Last year, she did not want to give away her toys at first--but then after she did, and she realized that someone "thankful" was getting them--she was ready to give everything she had away....including her little brother. Her exact words were, "Mommy, I want to give Jaxen away, to someone who doesn't have a brother." Because, if you didn't have a brother, you must be in need of one ;).

This year, she is not trying to give away Jaxen--but, is excited to give things away that she doesn't need and even purchased a gift to give to a special child her age. She is truly in the giving spirit, that Christmas is all about. I am grateful that God has given me a daughter with a soft and loving heart. I know Jaxen, will be just as giving and thoughtful as he gets older. And, I fully expect him to want to give away his sister at one point in his little life...

So this Christmas--with the economy in a recession--it is important to realize that there are many without. Without presents under the tree, without food on the table, without a home, without friends and family, without hope, without love, without Jesus.

Sure, it is human, to begin a list of what you "could use," or what you are doing, "without." But, is it really that much, when you think of all that is missing from the lives around us? These thoughts have really hit me hard this year. My friends and family have all asked me, "what do you need, what do you want...for Christmas?" Sure, if I thought about it long enough, I could come up w/ a list of things that would make life more pleasurable for awhile--but I don't NEED anything. What I want most this year, is for someone to CARE about me, enough to ask me what would make my Christmas, merry and bright.

And...I HAVE that..I have friends and family who care--and would NEVER in 100 years allow me to go without-- without presents under the tree, without food on the table, without a home, without hope, without love, without Jesus. And, even more importantly, I have friends and family that would NEVER let my 2 beautiful babies, go without.

I cannot for the life of me, comprehend a life, where one did not have friends and family like this in their life. But, I am indeed a lucky girl--to have people who love me--

So, this Christmas, remember your friends and family, of course. But let us also remember those who are truly going without. You may not have a lot of money, but you do have a lot to give. You have things you don't use any longer, you have food in your cupboards, you have love to give, and you have a Story to Share.

Keep Christ in Christmas this year--and Give from the Heart--and make a Difference this Christmas to someone who is without.

Christmas Time is Here

2008-12-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

As Christmas time surrounds us, I realize there are events and memories I want to share with my kids--that I experienced as a child. I have been blessed to live close enough to my parents, that my children are getting to participate in making those same memories with their grandparents. Some of these memorable events include: making and frosting cookies, making some other project of the year, shopping the day after Thanksgiving, shopping for matching jammies, and so on.

I love that Alexis and Jaxen will get to carry these memories of Christmas w/ their grandparents for as long as live. They will look back fondly and cherish these important times. They will not remember if the cookies burned or broke. They will not remember mommy getting frustrated with starting so many projects. But, they will remember papaw frosting his one cookie, and then one for them to eat. They will remember Grandma making each Christmas special, w/ fresh new jammies. They will remember laughter and love. What more could a mother ask for when it comes to choosing her children's memories?

I can only hope and pray that Alexis and Jaxen will look back fondly on all of their childhood memories, and remember laughter and love. That the mistakes will fade away, and the love I have for them and we have for each other as a family, will come shining through.

As Kyle and I start creating our own "family traditions, " it is hard to differentiate what I want to do as a child of my parents and as a mom of my children. So, I will continue to share the traditions w/ my parents for as long as I am able, and I will duplicate some of these traditions at our own home-- Which means--double sugar cookies!!

I hope you are able to spend Christmas with those who mean the most to you, because it is the people you share Christmas with, that make it so special--not the gift under the tree.

Merry Christmas

Moments

2008-12-08T12:47:00.000-08:00

We recently moved into a old, Victorian house---and needless to say--It is HUGE. So, I spend my days running up and down 4 sets of stairs to chase after my favorite son, Jaxen. I feel like I am going in circles, but on different levels.

If there is a ruckus of some sort, I must go see what is causing the ruckus--

If there is an odd silence, I must go see why there is a silence, because that can only mean one thing--TROUBLE.

Not to mention, the daily chores of laundry, picking up toys, cooking, picking up more toys, doing more laundry...

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being in this old house, and having the opportunity to raise my kids, even for a short while, in this old home filled with character and history. And, I am sure my butt and legs could use the workout! I just find myself, thoroughly exhausted-- and with a long to-do list, that never quite seems to get checked off.

So, with all this running around and up and down--how do I stay centered? It is in those fleeting moments, that I will call mommy-bonding moments. All mothers know what these are, because they come when you really need them, and you always wish they would last a little longer. They are the moments that I would never trade for a million Victorian homes.

One of my favorite examples of this experience is when Jaxen, crawls into my lap, and snuggles in, his warm and chubby fingers and hand resting on mine. His breathing slows and becomes more relaxed. You can actually see his eyelids becoming heavy, as he struggles to keep them open. He must be tired from all the running too, because his eyelids win in a matter of seconds. His little body radiates warmth and love like you could never imagine. And, it is at this moment that everything in the world becomes crystal clear. My mind begins to slide back into perspective and not one single thing could ruin it. (except for his sister, waking him up).

It is at this moment, that I know exactly why I became a mother, and why I could never be as happy as I am, without my two children. This moment brings me happiness, peace and new sight in one swift wave, and I am blessed to be swept up within it. I consider myself one of the luckiest mothers around to be able to experience my children day in and day out--selfishly keeping these wondrous moments to myself.

So, yes I am exhausted at the end of every day. But, there is no other way, I would rather have it-- Afterall, that is what coffee is for.

Potty Training

2008-12-06T15:01:00.000-08:00

Jaxen is potty training--

With Alexis, this was a fairly simple process-because she hid when she had to go potty--under the kitchen table to be specific. So, we'd whisk her to the potty--and there you have it--

Jaxen on the other hand, is very good at multi-tasking. He can take a "load" off, so-to-speak, doing absolutely ANYthing...he can be playing, and singing and you could never even tell he was also doing the, "deed." Unless, for some reason you caught sight of his watery eyes, that is.

However, if you do happen to see those watery eyes--and ask, "Jaxen do you have to poop?" --you can always tell if he does by his answer. If he non-chalantly says, "no." Then he means it, he doesn't have to. But, if he yells, "NOOO," and puts his hand up at you--then he is in the process of, "it."

This is rather humorous, because he will not bother hiding, and will even sit himself right in the middle of the room--like he's proud of his, "creation." but doesn't want you throwing off his groove, by asking him, "if he has to poop."

My secret pleasure is to ask him--when I know its time--because I LOVE his response...and then if I say, "Let's go to the potty,"--he gets even more riled up. You can imagine how crazy he gets when I pull down his pants and sit him on that cold toilet seat-- talk about throwing off his groove!

I can honestly say on more than 1 occassion I have scared the "poop" back into him :), by placing him on the potty.

If I do miss the eyes watering, and he does make FULL use of his diaper--it never fails--that he wants to snuggle afterwards-- I know he is trying to show off his essence--but, it is this that makes me want him potty trained even more!!

eek--someone's eyes are watering--

Jammies at 11am

2008-12-05T12:08:00.000-08:00

It was 11 am, and there was a knock on the door-- pretty ordinary, until I mention the fact that I answered the door in my jammies. Yes, it was 11am, lunch time for some--and I and my 2 kids were still in our jammies.

Were we sick--not really. Jaxen was a little under the weather, but there really was no GOOD excuse why we were all still in our jammies.

The wonderful thing about all of this is, that I did not feel an ounce of guilt--okay maybe, just an ounce. But, that is not very much, considering how guilty I make myself feel about other things.

Why didn't I feel guilty?

I think it is because we as mothers, like to look at each other and feel either really good about our ability to mother, or look at each other and feel awful about our mothering ability. When in actuality, we are all good at some things and awful at others when it comes to being a mommy.

For instance, there is a mother out there who consistently and quickly dresses her children in cute outfits, matching socks and shoes every single morning. And there is a mother out there that always cooks home-cooked, from-scratch, only-organic meals each and every single meal. There is also a mother out there that takes her kids to McDonalds every Wed night, and never feels guilty. And a mother who allows her children to make their own lunch, of PB&J every day.

I am none of those mothers--but, I know they are out there. That does not make any of them better than the others. I feel like it is difficult in the "mommy-community" to be real and honest with your mommy behaviors. Everyone feels like they are the only ones struggling, and feeling guilty--but, in reality we have all just painted pictures of what we think mommyhood should look like.

I am tearing up that painting, and stating that somedays my kids are in their jammies at 11, somedays my kids get homecooked, from scratch meals, and somedays they get Chef Boyardee. Somedays I feel like super-mom and get all the laundry and cleaning done while cooking dinner and playing with the kids---and somedays I get none of those things done. Somedays I love on my kids and show them as much patience as anyone possibly could, and somedays I raise my voice at them. (It is unfair that I should feel judged just by writing this)

So, to all the mothers out there--know that you are doing a fantastic job, because you are doing the best you can. Know that every mother has her own struggles and secrets she hasn't confessed about her mommy-ing.

And, for those of you who are not mothers--keep this locked away in theh back of your mind, and when you are hiding in the laundry room, hoping for 2 more minutes of silence, may this come back to you--and either haunt you for judging mothers or...give you that pat on the shoulder that you need.

Thrifty--to be or not to be?

2008-12-05T11:32:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of being thrifty, this holiday season--I decided to take our own Christmas Portraits. I thought, that my almost 2 year old son, would cooperate better at home, in a familar environment. Afterall, he wouldn't have a strange teenager trying to get him to laugh or smile while swinging a BIG, BLACK, flashing device around him.

Boy, was I wrong!! I think if I could choose 100 careers I would want to dabble in, a children's photographer wouldn't even come close to getting in.

I have to mention, that Alexis, 3, is a ham in front of the camera. I think most of my time is spent trying to get her NOT to ham it up TOO much. Please, dont tilt your head THAT much, please don't make a ballerina pose, etc. But, overall, she has really got the whole, "smile," thing down. It only took 3 years :).

With Jaxen, the most irritating part, is that he has the CUTEST smile ever--with dimples and everything (seriously, ask anyone--) But, could his own mother get him to sit still long enough to smile--nope. Not in 1 of the 200 pictures I took. Thank goodness for digital cameras.

In my desperation, I convinced him to say "mommy," because the sound of the "ee" at the end formed a half of a smile. I was frustrated enough, to take 1/4 of a smile at this point in the photo shoot.

Camera is ready.

Jaxen say, "mommy."

"mommy"

Snap.

Look at the picture.

1/2 a smile. YES!!

and...

Eyes Shut!

Are you kidding me??

This was how I spent a good hour and half of my evening, so that when Kyle got home for our "family photo shoot"--I was more than a tad grouchy.

The family shoot did not go any better-no smiles, moving, eyes shut, dress up, snotty nose, drool--( I told Kyle to quit drooling) you name it.

It was 8 o'clock and time to get the kids ready for bed--thank goodness!! I handed the camera to Kyle and asked him to fix it. I don't care what it takes, he can photoshop a whole new family in for all I care--:)

So, next Christmas, I may still enjoy being thrifty---but NOT when it comes to photography!

Why its been decided that I should start Blogging

2008-12-05T10:01:00.000-08:00

So, I was Christmas shopping, and bought this cute talking doll, called, "Little Mommy." When she began to coo and talk to me, she said, "start a blog..." I thought I was just hearing things, but then I turned on the news. This doll was all over the news--upset parents, swearing up and down that this cute doll was saying something to them too!

Unlike my doll, these dolls were saying, "Islam is the light". I was shocked! Should I take the doll I bought my daughter back to Target?? Well at the very worst when she played with the doll, she would beg me to start a blog--just like millions of kids in the US will be BEGGING their parents to skip Disney World this year, and please take them to the Middle East. I could see the problem--I took the doll back to target the next day!!

On a more serious note, I have been encouraged by the few that love me to start a blog--they think it will be therapeutic, relaxing, and "good for me." I do not doubt their love for me, but--it seems like a lot of time and effort when a simple pill can do the same job for me? Zoloft, anyone?

In this blog, I will share the stories of my desperate attempt to find myself in the 2 minutes I have before the kids find me!!!